Bad night last night. Cried to my dog. rearranged my furniture and it looks great, but sitting in the room alone is crushing. My anniversary is Monday, the 6th. Would have been 28 years. had been bragging about it all year. Went to pick up DR at borders and they are getting them in yesterday. Need to go back there tonite or tomorrow. I am concerned that some of the posters are saying that the DR is for couples still under the same roof or who are communicating, I am neither. I know the book is designed to help me, but I need to know how going dark helps me when my wife has OM and isn't communicating wioth me about anything most of the time.
As a side note i called my mother in law last night. she had talked to W earlier in the day. asked her how my D job was going, W didn't know. Asked about my S and how he was doing, W didn't know. they talked about TV and the weather. Mother in law got out of call and felt depressed the rest of the day. when I called her she was ready to call my W and tell her to get off the SH#$ and get back home and straighten things out. She told me that she didn't even know the person on the other end of the phone , it was like talking to a stranger. I told her she is. I talked her out of calling her telling her it would just push her away further and it wouldn't help anyone. She was glad I had acalled, because she had just taken her phone out to call her. Her and my W have always been close, but she says now when they talk, it is like being on egg shells, can't talk about me, doesn't know really whats going on with her kids, grandkids, nothing. She doesn't want to talk about OM, but has and W just makes general comments. I tried explaining everything to her in general terms, but mostly told her that eventually my W, her D, will see the transparency of the conversations and realize that she has nothing to talk about. My oldest D has said the same, her and my W have nothing other than talking about dance. My youngest D has commented time and time again that talking to W is awkward. Middle D is littel to no contact at all. Son is the same.
For any MLc WAWs or WAWS who have come back (mostly I look for your replies), is the fact that contact with others that she "loves" is dimishing to the point of conversations with strangers helping me or hurting me? She was always close to everyone and on top of every situation, but now she is on the outside looking in. Will she realize this? I have not instructed anyone else to minimize their contact with W, but it seems to be happening on its own. I really do love my wife with everything, heart and soul and have faith she will return. I believe she may be causing serious damage to some of her other realtionships. I know she is in a fantasy fog right now, doing everything for her, not anyone else. OM is definitely anchoring her from any forward movement towards R and even getting close to family. I ask this question again, is she staying away because she thinks she can't come back as opposed to doesn't want to come back? tough question I know. But does anyone who has walked away, wanted to go back but felt they couldn't? And when they finally went back, what convinced them they could. Really hurting. Amy and Sandi were right, its getting worse for me emotionally, with anniversary and staring at the holidays and now family saying that m wife is a stranger to them.
