I believe in Miracles

[istherehope]

So just to journal on this again,

I can't believe I took the bait on IM. Thing is I had to say SOMETHING in response to him. Then I sent him an email with proposed dates and said this was hard for me as when we talked it seemed as though we were adversaries and I still considered him my best friend. I just can't believe how cruel he is being. For someone to tell me on IM that I need to accept that our marriage might end!!?? Isn't this just immature and disrespectful? Then he was going on about ground rules for being around each other, like no "popping by". I said that this went without saying unless our relationship changed. He did the usual "I think you are wonderful". Whatever. I'd rather he say that he thought I was a horrible person. This is just a slap in the face, and makes no sense. I am sure he feels pressured that I am trying to get him to live with me, and yes this IS what I want, but I didn't even ask for this in the IM. I just said that there might be these overlap days in the house, and that I wished he wouldn't make these decisions without having conversations in person.

I can't believe one conversation can have such a big impact on my attitude. I probably backslid a bit too, said the following:

"I understand that you feel this way. I guess what just kills me is how you can be so certain when you haven't even seen me in months, not really. I feel like you are so scared that I am going to hurt you. Please understand I am not arguing with you, only telling you where I am coming from."

Then he said we'd talk on the phone in the next few days. This is now the last thing that I want.

Also I am going to be in the house 2 nights next week, and now after I've said all of this stuff about needing to talk in person, I am afraid these days are going to be full of R talk, and not nice and positive like they should be.

OK trying to snap out of this, but am feeling pretty low again...Now I don't want to go back to Dublin.

ITH