Here I am....real life and all.

[Starshyne]

So exH calls me in the middle of the night last night and tells me that he just had an accident in his car and it is totaled. He was text messaging (most likely OW) and hit something and the next thing he knew, he was in the car laying on it's side. My first thought was how glad I was to have my name removed from that car last month! I am so glad that I didn't drag my feet on getting my name removed. I am not connected to that car in any way! He isn't hurt, just embarassed. He said that I am the only person he was telling about this.

If you have seen my thread in infidelity, you will see that I have an STD (warts) which may or may not be HPV. I dont' know right now. I am 99% sure this came from my xH. At the moment I have no feelings about it. I am just wanting to find out what exactly is wrong with me so I can move from there.

I just hate how this affair keeps messing up my life....

[Reincarnated]

(((Sara))) I remember being tested - what a terrible thing to deal with. I am glad that the issue was discovered, though, so you can deal with it asap.

What did xH want from you during that phone call?

I just reread the last few pages of your thread to catch up...hope your reminiscing and sleeplessness is getting better...

[Starshyne]

What did he want? I don't believe he wanted anything. I believe that he called me because when something like that happens, you want to call someone and let them know. He didn't know who to call and so since I know him best, he called me. He hasn't dropped the rope on me. And it is obvious to me that he wants me back. However I do not see him doing anything to change back into who he once was.

[Reincarnated]

Have you told him what it would take? That he would have to commit to some kind of counseling and show real change? It might be something that you could lob back at him; even if you don't take him back in the long run, he would still end up a better person.

Just a thought.

When do you find out what is going on with you, medically?

[MichelleLT]

I remember going through all the testing as well. My STBXH ended up with warts, so I was quite apprehensive. Luckily, so far, everything came back pristine. But I empathize with you.

(((Sara)))

I like Donna's suggestion about telling him what he needs to do.

[Starshyne]

I haven't posted in awhile on my thread. It took me awhile to find it. I don't have a lot of time. I am still talking to XH on the phone about once a week now (MUCH better from every day). I have told him what he needs to change in his life in order to have healthy relationships. We'll see what he does. He keeps getting speeding tickets and other things and basically his life sucks right now. I have sympathy but not much. Here I sit with an STD thansk to him, so how bad can I feel for him? I think he is still see the OW at least part of the time because he mentioned her in our last conversation.

No mention of my birthday last time I talked to him. Not that I expected him to say anything.

[MichelleLT]

So sorry you ended up with the STD.

As I recall, it was very treatable though?

((((((Sara)))))))

Still, a lot of stress you don't need.

But it'll be fine.

He'll figure his life out, or not, on his own. Time will tell.

Just keep moving forward sweetie, one day at a time.

[Starshyne]

Thanks Michelle. I am moving forward each and every day. Most of my days are easy-going and drama free. The kids I teach this year are extremely challenging academically. But they are very sweet. I am still "dating" (or whatever you call it) that guy that I've known from high school. He is nice and I am having new experiences and doing things that I have never done before thanks to him (he is really into motorcycles and I am enjoying learning about them).


The STD is treatable, I just don't know how long before it is gone for good (genital warts). They are just annoying, but not painful. But it is just another thing I have to deal with as well as a reminder of what my xh did.

I know my xh will figure out his life on his own now. I no longer can help him. I am working through all of that. I realize that I never had a time of seperation like many of you did. So I am going through some feelings and things a little slower. But I went straight from him living here with me (well sort of) to divorce in a matter of a few weeks. But I know I am getting there. I can tell. I am starting to sleep a little better.

Things still make me sad. My students are going to be doing the "pumpkin play" next week. My xh made the pumpkins that we use in the play. He painted styrofom balls orange and put them on sticks. They are adorable! The kids love them. But they make me sad. My old husband, the one I fell in love with, he used to make great artistic stuff for my class to use. Now he is gone. But I am still here....doing the best I can.

[Starshyne]

Figured I might as well update what is going on. Last week I was feeling sad. Missing my husband and the fun times we once had. (I say "my husband" and not "my ex husband" because the person I was missing was the man I married and I think they are 2 different people).

He still calls about once a week. I am fine with that. The last time I talked to him, he appologized for "ruining my life." So I had to point out quickly that my life is NOT ruined in anyway. He also said "maybe we can get back together." To which I told him that maybe in the future we can, I didn't know. But that wasn't something I could do anytime soon. When he asked why, I told him it was because there would be no reason for me to believe that he wouldn't cheat on me again. And the things he said to me were so hurtful and mean that I just couldn't be with someone who said those things to me. He told me that he was sorry for the things he said and he didn't mean any of it. He misses me and "the whole package." (I guess that would mean me paying for everything?). He said that I am so better than the OW and she wasn't worth losing me over.

Hearing those things is nice. Really. But it is too late. I haven't closed the door on him forever. But I can't forsee me and him together anytime soon. I am thinking 10 years from now or something. He needs to get help for his issues. He needs to straighten out his life. But I will be his friend. I like the guy. He asked if we could see a movie together sometime, just as two old friends. I said that could happen. I would need to think about it.

Emotionally I am doing better. I read through many of my journal entries from the middle of all of this. I had forgotten many things that had happened. And while I ended up bawling my eyes out, I felt very cleansed afterwards. I don't love him the way I once did. I am starting to understand where God was during all of this (something I had been really struggling with). And I am finding myself again. I feel good.

Still very busy. Teaching has been challenging this year, and new challenges keep coming my way. I am now working with a 10 year old girl who might have been seriously locked in a closet her whole life. She was found by DCFS and put into a foster home. She doesn't know anything. Doesn't know any letters, words, colors, shapes, etc. She reminds me of a 2 year old stuck in a 10 year old body. But I am trying to teach her to read. Very challenging.

I still have been doing things for fun. Hanging out now and then with that guy I have been seeing. Still not a serious thing, so that is good. Been doing things with my mom and alone. Trying my best to stay strong.

Sara

[klm]

Sara, I think you sound great!!!!

He still calls about once a week. I am fine with that. The last time I talked to him, he appologized for "ruining my life." So I had to point out quickly that my life is NOT ruined in anyway

Well, that's better than when he was still calling everyday. It may not be a bad thing to keep in contact unless it hindering your healing. My xh also apologized for "ruining my life". I was also quick to point out that it wasn't ruined....my path just changed.

You are very strong. I am not sure what I would do if xh was calling me all the time. Glad you are doing so much better emotionally.