I believe in Miracles

[istherehope]

Ugh,

So I went from believing in miracles to feeling like I should give up.

H IMd me and asked for the dates I would be at my friend's house so he could start arranging his own accommodation etc. I said it would be nice if we could talk in person.

He kept saying "you do understand that I am not living with you and this is not negotiable."

Then he said "i think you have to come to terms that there is the possibility that our marriage may end, because if you do that, we can deal with what we have to deal with the next few months".

It was just basically dreadful. I am going to stay there next Tuesday and Thursday, and he even sort of offered, but just to save money. He says he misses things too but has closed himself off to living with me. Seriously he is so cruel. I don't know what to do. I can't imagine being alone for the holidays this year either. Last week it seemed like he was so ready to try. Today I said "I am really trying here," and he said he was too. Whatever. I see no effort only anger.

I said "and I could forget this all and move on tomorrow if you were ready to". He said "i wish i could, but I cannot guarantee anything."

Ugh I need to go take a walk now. I am not feeling happy, and am close to the giving up stage again which I know is not good...

ITH