I've been reading the Passionate Marriage, and reflecting on what went 'wrong' on the weekend:
Passionate more heavy going than most of the other self help books so I'm not getting through it as fast as I normally would. I've also just finished reading some other relationship books, and while they might be useful for others, when I read them I normally think I must have been a terrible wife (should have greeted H at the door wearing cellophane more often!!) and then I feel sorry for H, and then I try really hard to please him. And I honestly think he can smell it when I'm insecure and trying to get his approval - and he backs off, which makes me feel rejected and hence another crash on the weekend.
To remedy it I read the first chapter of the BITCH book again (which works wonders for me) and realised, hang on this is stupid. I should be the one figuring out if being with H makes me feel good, and if H is good enough for me. So I booked a two week holiday in Asia for Xmas on Monday, and I contacted a local church group to see if I could do some of their social things to meet some new people. And H must have smelt the change on the wind, because he rang me, and I was focused on myself and my exciting holiday. Somehow he must sense that I dont need his affection, and he's not the centre of my world. AND HE HAS LEFT 2 MESSAGES SINCE!
Other people have been posting advice to other people and 'kid gloves' have been mentioned a couple of times, and that also got me thinking. And its ridiculous that I'm allowing myself to get upset over a stupid boy, who isnt making me feel great and he is the one missing out on me!
I just have to figure out a way to remember that, cause I think I did that same cycle only 2 weeks ago. (I get caught on trying to be a good wife, and make him happy, so easily).
Anyway I'm just starting the chapter on differentiation (passionate marriage), and I think this might be on the same track?!?
T - thanks for recommending Passionate Marriage!
OD and K - you know I never really have got the goal thing!! And it shows doesnt it, because I'm not focused and I have these big highs and lows. I'm re-reading goal setting chapters. I will let you know when I've figured out a goal. Thanks for pushing me in that direction - I know it will be good for me. You both have such amazing insight and love! Thank you.
Ali - thanks so much for posting. I'm reading your thread with interest - you sound good and strong and I really like your new direction.
