Trying2live- the new post 1

[Trying2live]

Wow C sounds like he's read the book. The Love bank is in the book.

Hopefully you all had a chance to look at the links I posted so I make sense.

Plan A is starting for me on Friday night or Saturday depending on whether his schedule. So I decided to allow him to come fix the car and then I added a whole bunch of other chores too since he's been gone out of the home for 5 months things add up. My Plan A is going to be very short maybe 2 weeks. The book says that no one should be in Plan A over 6 months because eventually it will deplete your love bank and then no matter what happens you will not want to reconcile. so some friends listen to me rant last week and said Good Lord you should already be in a Plan B before you lose your sanity. They said you need to do a quick Plan A and then right into Plan B because to a degree he is cake-eating.

Plan A goal is to meet as many of H's highest emotional needs. These make love deposits. The 10 emotional needs are: affection, sexual fulfillment, conversation, recreational companionship, honesty and openness, attractiveness of spouse, financial support, domestic support, family commitment and admiration. You will need to read the book and then at then end there is a questionnaire. So I am going to try(Lord help me) to meet his top 5 emotional needs(except for sex-just gonna be sexy if that makes sense). Can't go there til he's ready to reconcile. Then I invited him to go with the family for my son's bday at Disneyland next Thursday(9th) as well. Going to try again to be upbeat confident and meet any emotional needs and letting him know how much I love him. Which I have not done since the start.

Then within a few days of Disneyland(probably Sunday after sons actual bday) I will be going into Plan B. The reason for the Plan A is for him to have good memories and know my love for him and to remember all the needs I have met by depositing into his love bank. Plan B is to write a letter to H saying that I love you so very much and want nothing more than to spend the rest of my life with you but I am cutting off all contact with him(going dark completely) to preserve any love that I may have for him. That if I don't cut off communication at some point I will have no love left and won't want the marriage so i am doing this to protect my love for you. I have chosen (close friend) to be a mediator. You can contact(close friends) to arrange all visitation and financial etc etc concerning me. When you are ready to cut off all contact with OW and write her a letter of no contact, which I can help you with then you may call me. I ask that you respect my wishes to protect our marriage.

By me then going into the Plan B he must now get ALL of his emotional needs from OW and she can't possibly meet them all. I will also make some kind of contact to her either by letter but most likely to her voice mail letting her know that by spending the whole day with him at Disneyland on Thursday I realize how much I love my H and I am willing to fight for him and when he dumps you I will be here waiting for him. (Gonna be sure I mention Disneyland just in case he says he has to go away on business to her.) This will also make her go cuckoo and start to unravel. So that's my Plan. Plus it gives them a realistic Idea of what divorce would feel like. They also say that after about 3 weeks of no contact you start to feel better and that no matter what happens your ready for it.

Told D17 of the plan and oddly enough she loves it. She usually thinks everything is stupid in her 17 year wisdom. So she has actually Plan A'ing her dad by calling him at night when he's home with her. OW hate any contact with family it makes them unravel too. So for now we all feel empowered a little more, not like were just waiting for things to come our way.

They say you must be ready to go into the Plan B. so don't even start the plan A until you know you have it in you to do the Plan B because then your spouse will cake eat and you do not want that.
So for the next few weeks I'm working my Plan A. Get the book though it'll make more sense.
On top of that still GAL'ing. went to a salsa boot camp on sunday was loads of fun! Walking daily eating healthy too.

Anyways feel like this is my last push and i'm ready for it. I've spent almost 6 months(on the 23rd) with him gone and not sure if I continue in this same way that I will want to reconcile so I needed to go into a stronger plan and I do want to protect the little amount of love I have left for him. Its getting smaller by the day and have to fight off hatred so I think this is going to be good for me and the kids.
So more later, I'm hoping you all like the book. Don't skip any pages when you read it. Its really going to at least even if you don't decide to do the plans your going to have a better understanding of the mindsets of individuals who commit affairs.