That's really up to you. What the kids and I did for Fathers Day was we got him a collage Picture with lots of pictures of all of us. HE cried and said it was appropriate gift.
I do not want to get him a gift that he's going to use for her but that's just me.
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
Hi Tx Mom, sorry you were not successful so far with exposure. Of course this does not mean they are talking to each other with disapproval. I know my H is worried that I exposed him to his sister. He wants to call her but she leaves for vacation for 2 weeks which he doesn't realize so now he will have to wait for her to hear his side. As far as my Ds, believe it or not since their Dad told them he was moving, they both thought he was cheating. And my D15 was right who she thought was OW. So both are not happy with their Father and he is embarressed that they know. But i worry because he is not saying that they broke up either. I am worried that OW is really pushing for him. I pray that once he is a "free man" that they will start having problems. As far as H's birthday - you can chose to ignore or otherwise I would take a picture of your 2 daughters, frame it and give as his present -- what could be more effective - a beautiful picture of his family that the OW will not appreciate.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I think I will bake a cake or cupcakes as my 3yr old loves cooking... and do the picture thing - good idea!
Well my H and yours are both free now and to your point it will either allow there A to sizzle out or unfortunately bring them closer (for a short time at least) ... at some point the excitment will start to fade just hopefully this comes when we all haven't moved on yet.. or if we have I guess better for us.
I find myself so lonely and I look at my H sometimes and just want to ask him is this really what you want... is this really happening?? so hard ...
Hang in there as well.. this weekend will be hard as this past one was my first without him and it was so quite and lonely...
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Hi TxMom, glad you liked the picture idea. Thought it would be fitting.
Being in this situation is so hard. We are griefing for them but they are not dead they are out cheating. I feel it is much worse for you since you have such little ones. Glad you are pressing for H to watch the kids on his own.
I know my H is impressing this OW with gifts and spending time. I do think he feels he is invested in this. I did ask my H many times is what you want before I truly found out about the A. But now the A is in the open with us that hurts him and he also has the other worry about being exposed at work which will get him fired and her. Even if one job posts out, no matter they could still get fired in the future. Believe me if my H changes companies I will go to HR and still have her fired. But if my H gets fired then I cannot afford to live here with D.
I look back and think of all the times I just ignored my H and all the opportunities I missed and of course blame myself. But no matter what they should not have cheated.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I'm dying today... and I feel I'm set back as if it just happened two weeks ago...
My 3 yr wakes up this morning and first thing... Why is Daddy not living here, When will he come home, Daddy isn't being very nice..."I miss Daddy" breaking my heart.... I was so mad and hurt I emailed him and told him what she said and what I have to hear everyday.. and asked him if he is happy? That I hope the OW is everything he wanted b/c he has no idea what we are going through.. I told him I couldn't see him today... (he originally wanted me to go to the bank with him to change his business account)
Of course I thought of all the advise from you guys and knew I shouldn't but I want something to hit his heart... even if it's not me his kids... of course no response to this email..
He then had to come to the house to get his golf clubs as he is playing in a work tournment,, he text me said that he knows I don't want to see him but that he'd be by around noon and would love to kiss and hug the girls.. they were at the park with our nanny thankfully, I told him I'd leave his clubs in the back yard... so he didn't see our girls. I want him to hurt like I am and it angers me that he isn't or isn't showing it.. how can he be human????
I know to expect good days and bad.. it is just so hard.. I'm so upset right now ... I hate him and miss him ....
Also Hope3343
We can't focus on what we didn't do or what we could do better... I have done the same song and dance in my head... for all of us .. our H wouldn't be moving out and they would be working on the marriage if there wasn't another women in the picture. They are all taking the easy way out. As I ask myself, what did my H do to try to save the marriage if he was so unhappy... NOTHING is the answer .. told me nothing. They have to live with the choices they have made... and the fact that most of them didn't give the marriage a fighting chance..
Hang tough..
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Hi TXmom, sorry you are having a bad day also. I am the same, I do good for a few days and then BOOM - I go crazy and then it just reinforces with H why he wants out. But we are human and it is difficult especially when it comes to the kids. It breaks my heart that because of their actions our kids suffer. I also thank you to remind me about how if they were unhappy they did nothing but cheat. Right now it is a love/hate relationship with them. We want them back and when it happens (not if), then we can deal with the infidelity. So go wash your face, wipe away the tears, tomorrow will be better. Too bad you weren't closer to the Gulf area then we could get together and commiserate! We moved here 2 years ago and I have no family here at all which really upsets me more because this is something he wanted to do and I supported it. Take care.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
We can't focus on what we didn't do or what we could do better... I have done the same song and dance in my head... for all of us .. our H wouldn't be moving out and they would be working on the marriage if there wasn't another women in the picture.
I have to ask you to really search your soul here. In my sitch I know it hurt to do that BUT if the M hadn't had problems an OW wouldn't have been able to become a third party in our M.
Also, if one doesn't think about what we did or didn't do to a certain extent how can we change and try to sort things out? I am not saying YOU have to do all the changing...but something has to start the ball rolling.
I do understand how easy it is to swing from bending over backwards and trying to sort the M out...to feeling really fed up and upset and cross about it all - that's only natural. But to grow one DOES need to explore one's own behaviour.
I am sorry you are having such a bad day.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I agree totally... Hope was making the statement that she has guilt over what she could have done or didn't do in her marriage and I was just stating that we can't kill ourselves to death over what we didn't do... we need to learn from it and make changes and move forward...
BUT I do honestly believe that the spouse plays a part in the disconnect but so does the cheating spouse... they need to be held accountable too.. What did they do to work on the marriage.. in my case Nothing. They moved on and made a choice to cheat to cross the line instead of talking to us...
Clearly I new exactly what I did to allow the disconnect in my marriage to happen... we just can't change the past... but we can change now and recognize what we can do differently moving forward... agree we need to all learn and grow from this experience..
Me: 38/H:40 M:7yrs TG: 10yrs 2Girls: 4yr & 7 month old Bomb 8/22/08 OW/EA/PA 8/23/08 with 25yr old Moved out 9/22/08
Hi Saffie, I understand your logic completely. I was not there for my husband. I was into my own stuff and really did ignore his needs. He was lonely, and one of his coworkers went after him and it did not take much to get his attention since I was not giving him any. I am upset when I look back and see how just doing the small things I do not think I would be in this situation now. I pray it is not too late and only time will tell. Point well taken and I respect that coming from you since I consider you a great success story.
Me 53 H 50 D16, D29 M 22 years bomb 7/08 INH - alien pod replaces H 8/08 - OW (direct report), I work there also bomb II - H moves 10/1 expose ow 10/22 D to be final 9-09
I was not there for my husband. I was into my own stuff and really did ignore his needs. He was lonely, and one of his coworkers went after him and it did not take much to get his attention since I was not giving him any. I am upset when I look back and see how just doing the small things I do not think I would be in this situation now. I pray it is not too late and only time will tell.
Hope,
I could have written that about my M. It's amazing what just a little attention can do!!! Good Luck!
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
