My deepest and most heartfelt condolences to you and your daughter during this tragic time.
My spouse's older brother had always been a schemer, dreaming big plans, having them fail. Through his poor choices and alcoholism he lost his marriage, access to his only child, a daughter, and shunned his siblings and parents. Every now and then he would want to see my husband. They slowly formed a bond as brothers, rather than my husband being an extension of their parents' deriding voice.
Twelve years ago, my husband's brother's life was going downhill. The severe alcohol abuse was deteriorating his organs and enzymes though the doctor said it would be a very slow death. My husband and his brother got into a big fight. Like true men, neither one would budge.
One Sunday his brother called, wanting to see my husband. They looked at their schedules and agreed to meet that Tuesday afternoon. Tuesday morning I got a call that his brother had died. My husband and I went to his apartment about an hour away, identified him and headed home.
While driving back my usually stoic husband started crying and crying repeating, "I wasn't able to say goodbye.. I wasn't able to say goodbye... I wasn't able to say goodbye to my brother."
I looked at him, feeling such sorrow and said, "But you said hello. He called you, he reached out.. you said hello. You accepted him for who he was, as your brother. You may not have been able to say goodbye, but he knew you didn't turn him away... you accepted him... he knew you loved him.. you said hello."
I cannot imagine the pain you're in, the thoughts and emotions swirling within. By reading your posts I see how you spent time together, shared those quiet smiles. Nothing is perfect. You said hello. You were open. You were real. You were together.
