Memories of today

[Beth 83]

There is really nothing right now that is making me want to dance and shout. I'm pretty miserable.

Oh, H has met up w/ OW again and still pining for her. What does DB say about that?

We spent the whole weekend together, went to the city, slept together numerous times, he slept in our bed on Saturday night...1st time in over a year.

He lied to me again last night...saying that he was going to go out with his friend but really met up with her (how do I find these things out?!)

It sorta makes me laugh and shake my head with how much of a liar he is. You know what I mean? What an effing liar! And the only reason I can think of that he would lie to me is because I think she is a horrible person and he knows that. He doesn't want to tell me because basically, I would write him off. It makes me feel like playing her game, you know? Like, she thinks she is going to win this, but I have the effing trump card...I'M THE WIFE!!

But, the fact of the matter is, I don't want to play a game. Right. As I always say, I would rather walk away from the drama than engage in it.

I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to do. I started drafting up a letter to him basically saying that I wanted to stop sleeping together.

So, I definitely need to set up some boundaries.

Boundaries;
1) stop telling him absolutely everything that I'm doing. Even if it is sitting on the couch....just don't clue him in. Be a bit mysterious.

2) How do I stop sleeping with him now? We've become sexual fiends! Talking about sex and different positions. That is the area I feel most used with, but also the area that I feel I needed to show my 180 the most (our sexual relationship was in the toilet for years and years and years). So, sex is the biggest 180 for us.

Biggest thing that I've been feeling lately is that I feel like a walk away wife. I feel like I want nothing to do with him anymore because I feel like dirt and I feel like I need to make a stand. A stand for myself before a stand for my marriage. Can anyone understand that? Like, I don't want to GAL for my marriage, I want to GAL for myself!

As always, I'm logging on when I'm most desperate. I'm such a DB forum user! Sigh.