The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

Update;

We're back on a (somewhat) even keel this week, and today I took a risk that worked out rather nicely. I got into work this morning and realized that I had left my decent glasses at home, and only had a very lousy pair of 'backups' with me. I decided to head back home at lunch time and work from the home office during the afternoon.

[light bulb] (and something I would never have tried in the past)

Around noon, I called my wife up and told her the situation. I indicated that I would be walking in the door around 1:30 PM and that I expected her to be in bed, naked, and revved for me. She (predictably) protested, said she had plans to go into town for a couple of hours, etc., but I simply stated my request again as a firm command and said good-bye cheerfully. I gave it a 50% chance that she would actually comply, and I was ready to be in a good mood either way it went -- after last weekend, I wasn't about to pitch another fit. I treated it like the playful game that I meant it to be.

When I got home, her van was in the driveway, but the house was quiet. After settling the dog, I went upstairs to the master bedroom, and she was waiting for me, as per my instructions. It was a fun afternoon indeed. I'm still in 'afterglow.'

This afternoon was also a nice lesson in where we currently are in our sexual relationship dynamic. She has clearly stated that she wants me to take the strong lead, and demonstrate that strength. It's part of what turns her on in a man. At the same time, she regularly protests when I do, sometimes strongly, which sets off all of the old REJECTED!! TILT!! alarm bells in my head nearly every time. So rather than firmly breaking through her natural resistance like she needs me to do, my natural reaction is to skulk off, feeling hurt; that is, rather than being the strong male she can respond to, I end up looking like a hurt puppy.

Truthfully, tossing out decades of Nice Guy training and attitudes, and getting past the pain of over 20 years of sex-starved marriage and sexual rejections is definitely NOT an easy thing to do. At least not for me. I also think that my wife, while generally delighted when it does work, is likewise going through a bit of "be careful what you ask for (or dream about) in your man" feelings sometimes. Nice Guys may not be sexy, but they are predictable and don't make you push your envelope. That said, this spring / summer HAS brought about a rather amazing transformation in our sexual relationship. It's still pretty rough sometimes, and has us both operating outside of our comfort zones, but at the same time, it's worth it.

Take care,

Bagheera