good to hear from you. Today, my ex and I went spent some time together going over her finance and working on a budget for her. Afterward, she asked if we could go for a drive and we simply drove around town for about 2 hours, with me mainly doing the listening - she was basically worried about her finances and her situation. She was telling me that she feels like she has no where to go since she can't afford a place on her own and that her getting a place with her best friend is the only way she can bring some stability to our daughter as far as living conditions go. It was a really nice drive and I was thankful for the opportunity to just listen.
On a scale from 1-10, hmm... well, if 10 is being married, happy and together at last, I would say we are at a 6 or 7 maybe. Number 8 for me is when she tells me she wants to start working on the relationship again and 9 is when we've made lots of progress in our relationship,but have not taken that step of marriage.
Right now, we are becoming good friends again. She is slowly beginning to build trust in me, but I'm sure her thinking anything about our relationship is far from her mind right. And that's okay for now. I want her to be able to tell me anything and everything without feeling like she has to step on eggs because of my feelings for her. Although it is hard sometimes, I have not given in to my emotions when I am with her - although I do cry sometimes when I'm alone.
I like what you said about quiet confidence and not being over needy. That is a tough at times. Maybe not so much being needy as it is appearing to be pushy. Her birthday is coming up in a couple of weeks and last month she mentioned several times that she wanted to go to a very fancy, particular restaurant - she didn't specifically mentioned for her birthday, but that she would like to go. So she asked me yesterday if I was going to take her to that restaurant for her birthday and I told her yes. It is so tempting to go all out on that day, but you are right - no overly needy or pushy.
How can I pull it up half a point? At this point, I don't think I could do much to bring it up half a point. I think only time and consistency with DBing is going to do that for me. That said, I need to continue to focus on myself (exercising, taking care of my emotions, well-being, etc) and being consistent with the way I treat her with that quiet confidence you talked about.
This is going to be very long journey, but I'm thankful for such a supportive group.
