One Last Pull for this Knot to Break

[frank_D]

yes, she is.

[sleeper]

"A great long-legged loon, honking and flapping its wings all about."

Basil, Faulty Towers

[job]

I have to agree w/you...she is definitely a loon.

She's testing the waters all of the time and yet, panics when you do not do what she "thinks" you will do.

Keep up the 180's. Loon will eventually turn into a graceful swan.

[forward]

"Was angry I didn't do what I said I would"

Very wife-y thing she wanted you to do there. I think you need to say no to such requests.

[sleeper]

Yes I will say no as I did above, most courteously.

She called this afternoon, said she was having an allergy attack. I could tell she was upset and I told her to get inside and try to relax. She wanted to know when I would be there as I was going to come to her place to pick up the kids anyway. She called about 30 minutes later in a panic asking, "Where are you?" I told her I would be there as soon as I could. She called one more time but I missed her call. When I returned her call she told me she was OK and that was what she wanted to let me know so I wouldn't rush or speed to get there.

Why doesn't she call OM for such things?

[forward]

Sleeper, What if you started pulling back? You have been her friend but is this working? Do you see her making movement toward you? Baby steps even?

If not, maybe it is time to try something else. Also, it is not necessarily a bad thing if she is angry!

[sleeper]

You are right, Breton. I've been thinking much the same.

She is a friend now. I do see baby steps from time to time. My goal now is to not initiate contact for any reason.

I have noticed that she hides contact with OM from me like she did just post-bomb. She either cares enough not to hurt my feelings or is afraid of losing me completely. Either way that is a good thing but not good enough.

So yes, I am seeing baby steps. She will initiate a lot of contact and then she will go dark on me for a few days. Maybe that's what they mean by going "in the tunnel." Funny how we can tell what doesn't work more quickly than what does work.

In many ways she is cake-eating now. Before she was so angry that I don't believe she was. Now I think she realizes she is cake-eating because of her angry reaction when I commented to her how much trouble she was "for an x-wife." I think she got angry because she doesn't like the idea that she is reliant on me at all. She also feels entitled because she is "the mother of my children." Like she's, "The Queen Mum" or something.

I had a housecat that had kittens once.

I think I'll save that comment for a really good fight.

[sleeper]

X called this afternoon. She wanted to talk about kids for several minutes. Before convo was over she said she is "working" on new girl to set up a date with me, and she told her she should go out with me because I'm "really handsome."

I interrupeted her to tell her not to "work" on new girl for me. New girl is actually much younger than I realized (younger than X).

Makes me think X is really done and I am wasting my time investing in any hoped for relationship with her.

[Andabelle]

Tell her okay, if she'll let you find her a new man.

Sounds like she is trying to fix you up with someone non-threatening.

[sleeper]

I was the one who expressed interest in this person. At first X did her little head shake thing and waved her hands in the air like she didn't want to hear it. That's the same response I got from her when we separated and I mentioned dating, and when I recently broached the subject of either of us remarrying. X commented at the time that this girl reminded her of herself when she was younger. I replied, "Maybe that's why I'm attracted to her because you're both my type."

She may have tried to fix me up with someone non-threatening back around X-mas (how appropriate). This time I intitiated the conversation.

The last time she thought I was dating someone where she worked she fired them. In anger stage spew she screamed at me her friends and the people she works with were off limits to me. I wasn't going out or trying to go out with any of them. For that reason I would never actually date someone where she works (for their sake).

I wonder if we're flirting with each other through our discussions.

I believe (and our counselor does also) that X's subconscious has already determined the steps to this dance but neither her conscious nor myself are privileged to know what they are.