Lifes got to always be messing with me...

[lost_in_space]

(((S&S)))

Just a quick fly by to give you the hugs. Let's agree to try and make each "next" day better than the one before...

[Sugar and Spice]

(((GF))) I appreciate you being angry for me. What is different today? Me. I'm not willing to dwell on something that I can't change. A lot of what is wrong is me just over-thinking something that in the end is not about me. Neither one of us thinks that everything will be fine when this baby is born. It will just be the next step in a long process. Now, things are just in a holding pattern and I am not a patient person, I never have been.

Why must everything hinge on the birth and paternity of this child? Why are you settling for that? Why are you continuing to give him the emotional support he wants when he is willing to give nothing to you in return? Sticking YOU - YOUR M TO HIM - on the back burner because it's how he sees fit.

I wish I could answer this, but I can't. These are not my choices, they are his and he will have to live with those choices.

I really have no expectations either way. Yesterday I let my emotions and nostalgia get the better of me. I'm not even sure it was him that was messing with my head, more than it was me. I'm my own worst enemy in this. I can't explain why I'm doing what I'm doing, but its what I feel I need to do for me. I am going to be fine, no matter what happens. I know I can be happy with myself. I also know you guys are right that this is not the way to DB or make things different. If it was as easy as telling him to chit or get off the pot don't you think I would have done it, wouldn't we all? I don't understand what he is doing and truthfully I don't think he does either. I can only control me and do what I think I need to. You didn't overstep, I'm glad that you are willing to put it out there. It helps me to see things that I overlook or choose not to see.

I appreciate you guys continuing to hang in there with me.

[kat727]

Always, Always sweet Corey!

[Sugar and Spice]

(((S&S)))

Just a quick fly by to give you the hugs. Let's agree to try and make each "next" day better than the one before...

Agreed!

[GoingForward]

Why must everything hinge on the birth and paternity of this child? Why are you settling for that? Why are you continuing to give him the emotional support he wants when he is willing to give nothing to you in return? Sticking YOU - YOUR M TO HIM - on the back burner because it's how he sees fit.

I wish I could answer this, but I can't. These are not my choices, they are his and he will have to live with those choices.

Yes, I agree that they are clearly his choices. However, you are living with them as well, and you're stuck. All because H wants to wait. All because he wants to see what's going to happen with this baby. Therefore, you get put on hold. And by continuing to be there for him emotionally, answering his calls and texts, being so available to him, you're merely adding stability to the triangle. His poor choices are being ok'ed. Your words may say different, but your actions are telling him that you are going nowhere. Nothing will change as long as he's not allowed to miss you. To not know what it's like to not have you there at his leisure.

It's what I've done all along in my own sitch, and it is a HARD habit to break, I know. I really do. But you must know that you deserve better than this. You are worth so much more. You, your children, and your M do NOT deserve to come second to anyone.

I really have no expectations either way. Yesterday I let my emotions and nostalgia get the better of me. I'm not even sure it was him that was messing with my head, more than it was me. I'm my own worst enemy in this.

So be your bestest friend, love.

You have more power over this than you think. H should not get to call the shots. I'm not saying you have control over him or that you should try to control his decisions. Just saying you have all the power you need to get yourself out of this holding pattern, given that's something you want.

(((((((Corey)))))))

[hopeful4her]

GF, I can take some from your post, too.

Thanks.

We DO deserve better.

[Sugar and Spice]

[So be your bestest friend, love.
You have more power over this than you think. H should not get to call the shots. I'm not saying you have control over him or that you should try to control his decisions. Just saying you have all the power you need to get yourself out of this holding pattern, given that's something you want.

I can't argue with the truth. I guess thats the $64,000.00 question. What is it that I want?

I don't know....

[lost_in_space]

(((S&S)))

Corey,

You are the most important adult in your world. Take care of that person. (I need to take my own advice, trust me.). When you do this, all the rest will fall into place. And the world will notice!

[Sugar and Spice]

Thanks Lost. I love GF, she and I have very similar H's and she is so right. Now I just need to figure out what I want and what I'm ready to do.

I am doing better at taking care of myself, but she is right. I need to be less "available" to H. How can you miss what is always there?

[hopeful4her]

That is what I was trying to do with my goofy goober(D11 taught me that one). I started out pretty dark or as dark as I COULD be. Then, somehow wormed my way in to us being together more as a family, and then now, I'm going to try to pull back a bit. I gave her a taste of the family thing we loved so much. Now focus back on me.

I'll see what happens.

Your good people, Corey.