I have not been around much, so I apoligize for not keeping up with all your threads !
I thought it would help me to 'live' my life, if I let go of this place a bit.
Well, I have found out that I still ache, that I still miss, that I still love, that I still hope and wish, that I'm still lonely even though I have a great and huge circle of friends and family.
Love never dies.
I have nearly no contact with H anymore. It hurts. Does it help? Not really, as I miss my friend, my confidance... Others sometimes fill the gap, but not always.
H is living HIS life. He does not include me at all. He is with ow 24/7 and STILL incredibly in love and happy.
I don't understand it. I made mistakes, but on the whole, I was a good wife, a great friend, for many many years. I loved him passionately. I adored him even. I never deserved this...nobody does. Why is he the one to walk away with 'happiness', why did his world not 'tumble' when I wasn't in it ? How can 17 years not have mattered one single bit to him. If I would have died, would he have missed me this little ????????? People left and right are starting to accept it more and more. After all H and ow have been together for 2 years nearly now.
I dislike very much how happy they are. That sounds terrible and I know it means that I haven't let go. Today I haven't, today it hurts it has been hurting for a while now.
I pray, but I don't understand God's plan. Is there really A PLAN?
I don't sit and wait for H to come back, I live, but I do live with the pain of having been dumped and replaced, in one go. Just like that, someone else took my place and satisfied his every need....
It hurts terribly to be that replacable. It hurts that he never missed me, that he never cared how it could/would hurt me. He just cared about his own happiness....Once again, I didn't deserve that. Nobody does.
Just so you know I'm down with the flu and yes, it's at these times that a person can feel the loss and the loneliness....
I truly miss love.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
Oh Cinders, I am sorry you are not well and some of the sadness comes from the "flu" the rest is just normal I am afraid. I wish I could say God has a plan but I can't. Human nature being what it is we have winners and losers. My X appears much the same as yours from the very odd snippit I hear. It bothers me less and the pain is less. I fear the dull ache will be with me forever. You have a wide circle of friends and are so much younger than me. I really believe you will one day find love again and all this will be a distant memory. You are the winner no doubt in my mind,it just doesn't feel that way to you right now. I clung to this line for along time " I trace the rainbow through the rain, and know the promise is not vain,that morn shall tearless be" hugs to you.
I feel for you and your sitch. This isn't something you wanted or planned for. None of us did. I know the loneliness of not having you best friend and husband. I truely believe there is someone out there for you that deserves you kind and loving ways. I know things like this happens all the time and it hurts, but God does have a plan.
Your post makes me want to cry, because I and we all feel the same way as yo do right now.....lonely....I wish I could juat make the pain and the feelings of rejection go away...but we can't and yes it is unfair that they can be so happy with the O/W.
like we never existed in hteir lives....sometimes the pain is too much to bear....but I look at what Christ went thru for me and you..all of us..i know I never could of done that for anyone..
that is what I look at when I am feeling as you are right now...my heart aches for you and so do my prayers...and the pain of being dumped really bites.....
When I used to soeak to my husband he sounded so stress free so happy....I will too feel that way again and so will you...and I k now you know that in your heart...but the pain is still there for you after 2 years....I just started with this...
It has only been a year but it feels like a lifetime to me....may we all be comforted in our hearts by the only one who can gives us peace and heal our broken hearts.
I miss my friend also, we used to have many happy times....lots of laughing in bed till our stomachs hurt...laughing at funny movies..how I used to wipe his forhead everytime he was working outside because he would sweat and I just wanted him not to be too hot...so many memories... and they just come when we aren't even thinking about them at least that is how it is for me..
I myself wonder sometimes if he really has a plan.. i found these lyrics to a song by a preacher/singer and they are as follows. I hope you get a blessing from them..am posting on a different page
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
I know there are some things you want, some things you need Some things you’ve been waiting for Some prayers you prayed, sacrifices you made And you are wondering how much more Listen, let me tell you I’ve been there a time or two But what I found out on this journey God knows what’s best for you
chorus If it’s not now, it doesn’t mean never It only means there’s a time and a place that’s so much better If you learn to be patient, your change will come Just know that right now doesn’t mean never.
I know there’s been some cloudy skies, some nights you cried All because it looked so dim You see the dreams you had, haven’t come to pass And you’re trying to keep your trust in him Listen, let me tell you Weeping may endure for a night But if you can just keep the faith Joy comes in the morning light, and….
It could’ve been (the right time) But it was ( the wrong place) Could’ve felt (so right) But it was (so wrong) Maybe not (today) But it could (be tomorrow) I need you to understand that…
chorus: If it’s not now, it doesn’t mean never It only means there’s a time and a place that’s so much better If you learn to be patient, your change will come Just know that right now doesn’t mean never.
M-53 H-46 M-24+YRS BOMB-10/14/07 2-S 2-D Grandkids-7 Greatgrand kid-1 He needs space... Wants to start fresh new life W O/W Moved in his O/W Oct.08
Hi Sweety, I am sorry you are ill, feel so lonely and miss love. You hit the nail right on the head with your post. I know how much you hurt as we all feel that way. I also think that love never dies!
At least you have lots of friends who can distract you for a while. Continue to GAL and one day the pain will ease a bit. Mine comes and goes and on some days I am quite content.
oh, Cinders.... I feel your pain today. I really do. Im dealing with the fact that it is finally over with my H and the OW and he is still choosing NOT to be with me....he is already talking to someone else now. Feels like Ive been rejected all over again.
Kissak
"What time I am afraid, I will trust in thee." Psalms 56:3 M-37 H-37 S-10, D-15 M- 1993 First bomb- 12/23/06 Came and went too MANY times! Gone again 10-25-10
Hi Cinders, I haven't been on the boards much either lately. I feel so much like you do. As I've said so many times on these boards, I could've written the lines you wrote. My H has no OW, but I feel awful and hurt and in pain a lot. I miss my pal, someone to laugh with, our family life--it's just terrible. And H seems not to care at all. He's just moving along, indifferent to the pain he's caused.
Yesterday was my birthday and H came by to get the girls at some point. He knew it was my birthday, for sure, and said NOTHING. Didn't even wish me a happy birthday. This from the guy who, for years and years, showered me with fancy dinners, flowers, presents and made me feel so loved and special.
So, I have no great advice, but I do understand how you feel.
Me/X-H: 47/48 T 19 yrs M 16 years D14 D10 ILYBINILWY: 10/07 H moved out 6/08
I have been feeling much the way you do lately. Wondering why H does things for OW that used to make him gripe and complain and make life miserable because he couldn't afford to hire it done.
This morning, I read Charlyne Cares written by Bob and marveled at how messages come right when I need an answer.
Everything happens for a reason, maybe Dad needs to find that it isn't better out there, he needs to realize how good he had it here. Maybe he will find God and that is the most important thing when he finds Him he will know he is supposed to come home.
