JUST USED LRT-WHAT DO I DO NOW???

[Sanderika]

Well.....An Update from Confusion Land....

On 9/29 @ 9:19pm (last night) H called me from shop just to chit-chat. We talked for over an hour about this and that from whats on ebay to escalades to moldy rotten house trim. We never talked about what happened on Sunday. H was in a very good mood. It put me in such a good mood that I couldn't sleep after the conversation.

AND THEN COMES TODAY.....H showed up here at 12:15pm. H had 4 property tax bills for me to pay. H kept 2 to pay.

H ALSO HAD THE DIVORCE PAPERS!!!!!!

We came inside to talk. Sat at the kitchen counter. H handed me the tax papers and then proceeded to talk about the house and jobs and other stuff. I knew what H had with him, I started to shake like a leaf. I couldn't stop. H finally pulled out the D papers and stared at them for what seemed eternity. H then handed them to me and said I brought the papers and if I hand them to you in person I am suppoesed to have you sign this sheet too. I didn't touch the papers. I asked H if this is what he really wanted. H said he doesn't know. H said that literally he changes his mind every 30 seconds. I said that I still didn't feel that a D was the answer for us. I explained how good our relationship was for us considering where we had been in the past 3 years. H said what relationship? We don't have one anymore. I said that's where you are wrong. I said we have developed a good friendship and we have a sexual relationship as well. H couldn't deny it.

I explained to H the stages in a relationship, as I see them:

Acquaintances
Friendship
Romance
Lovers
Marriage (at least that is how ours happened over a 5 year period)

I explained that our relationship (yes,we are married) is in the Friendship stage w/ Lovers mixed in here and there at least in the separation we have now. Am I making any sense? I just realized I might not be.

H said that he can't figure out an answer to this problem. He is a logical thinker and always has the answers based on logic. This is emotional and H can't figure the answer now and hasn't been able to in 3 years. H said I know you want the marriage, you are so lucky to be able to be someone who knows what they want. I wish I did. I do know that I can't live like this much longer.

I told H I wasn't going to sign the papers. I said of course if I thought that you really meant for me to do so, I will not fight it. I told him I could see that it wasn't what he really wanted.

H stood up and said that he had to go had already looked at 6 jobs and needed to look at 4 more.

H took one look at me and said I am so attracted to you....I would really like to take you upstairs right now and F*** you, that's what I really want to do. I said let's go (I looked all excited when I said it, trying to be playful with H). H said no I really got to get these jobs looked at, today is the only day I have.

I asked H why he came over on Sunday....H said it's because he thought he wanted to do something with S12. Changed his mind on arrival so he left.

I asked H why he called me last night......H said cause I really wanted to just talk to you. Is that OK with you, I said yes I enjoyed it very much, H said OK then, I enjoyed it too.

OK, you all.......I think H came with the papers today cause OW is nailing his A$$ to the wall. H can now say I gave her the papers. I didn't sign them. H left them here. H only saw friendship, love and patience from me today.

All of the goings on with us is in this thread and spelled out above since end of July.

What will follow.......................???????????????

Thank you all from my heart,

Sanderika