I have not been around much, so I apoligize for not keeping up with all your threads !
I thought it would help me to 'live' my life, if I let go of this place a bit.
Well, I have found out that I still ache, that I still miss, that I still love, that I still hope and wish, that I'm still lonely even though I have a great and huge circle of friends and family.
Love never dies.
I have nearly no contact with H anymore. It hurts. Does it help? Not really, as I miss my friend, my confidance... Others sometimes fill the gap, but not always.
H is living HIS life. He does not include me at all. He is with ow 24/7 and STILL incredibly in love and happy.
I don't understand it. I made mistakes, but on the whole, I was a good wife, a great friend, for many many years. I loved him passionately. I adored him even. I never deserved this...nobody does. Why is he the one to walk away with 'happiness', why did his world not 'tumble' when I wasn't in it ? How can 17 years not have mattered one single bit to him. If I would have died, would he have missed me this little ????????? People left and right are starting to accept it more and more. After all H and ow have been together for 2 years nearly now.
I dislike very much how happy they are. That sounds terrible and I know it means that I haven't let go. Today I haven't, today it hurts it has been hurting for a while now.
I pray, but I don't understand God's plan. Is there really A PLAN?
I don't sit and wait for H to come back, I live, but I do live with the pain of having been dumped and replaced, in one go. Just like that, someone else took my place and satisfied his every need....
It hurts terribly to be that replacable. It hurts that he never missed me, that he never cared how it could/would hurt me. He just cared about his own happiness....Once again, I didn't deserve that. Nobody does.
Just so you know I'm down with the flu and yes, it's at these times that a person can feel the loss and the loneliness....
I truly miss love.
Love Cinders xxx
"In the depths of my winter, I realized there is within me an invincible summer" Albert Camus
