Lifes got to always be messing with me...

[Sugar and Spice]

(((GF))) I appreciate you being angry for me. What is different today? Me. I'm not willing to dwell on something that I can't change. A lot of what is wrong is me just over-thinking something that in the end is not about me. Neither one of us thinks that everything will be fine when this baby is born. It will just be the next step in a long process. Now, things are just in a holding pattern and I am not a patient person, I never have been.

Why must everything hinge on the birth and paternity of this child? Why are you settling for that? Why are you continuing to give him the emotional support he wants when he is willing to give nothing to you in return? Sticking YOU - YOUR M TO HIM - on the back burner because it's how he sees fit.

I wish I could answer this, but I can't. These are not my choices, they are his and he will have to live with those choices.

I really have no expectations either way. Yesterday I let my emotions and nostalgia get the better of me. I'm not even sure it was him that was messing with my head, more than it was me. I'm my own worst enemy in this. I can't explain why I'm doing what I'm doing, but its what I feel I need to do for me. I am going to be fine, no matter what happens. I know I can be happy with myself. I also know you guys are right that this is not the way to DB or make things different. If it was as easy as telling him to chit or get off the pot don't you think I would have done it, wouldn't we all? I don't understand what he is doing and truthfully I don't think he does either. I can only control me and do what I think I need to. You didn't overstep, I'm glad that you are willing to put it out there. It helps me to see things that I overlook or choose not to see.

I appreciate you guys continuing to hang in there with me.