Well that is good! It's all a learning process of trying new things and finding ways that work for your marriage because it seems like things that work for one couple backfire with another. I'm still trying to find a way to deal with conflict in a way that does not lead to a major fight. I guess that's why it takes a lifetime!
I have started acting "as-if" he is coming back...I have started sleeping back on "myside" of the bed and even took out one of our wedding pics and put it on my night stand. (When he first said ILYBNILWY I took ALL of the pics of us and put them in a box).
No expectations..no time lines. Just in time he will be back and I need to get used to myside again..lol.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Hi Folks....still so numb about Jen. I can't believe how something like this could happen. Words can't even describe her loss and I honestly can't even imagine the pain.
Today I had my State Exam..it lasted ALL day. I was there at 8:30 and did not leave until after 5. I am STUDIED out. I am so glad that it is over...I feel pretty confident that I passed but it will take 6 weeks for them to realease the grades. Grrrr...talk about leaving us in suspense!!
Well still NC from H. This is a bit odd but I am still holding out. I don't think we have gone this long with NC in years!!! I'm trying to remember when he first left how long C was but then again at that time I think I was initiating...damn I don't remember it might have gone at least a week back then. I still feel positive about our situation though and I feel as though he is thinking about me and the sitch right now, if that makes any sense...lol.
That's all from me today!! I need to call it a night now. Ciao!!
You sound very positive. That is great. I think that is the only way to get throught this. In some random post somewhere on one of the boards here I read about the 'Stockdale paradox'. I googled it and found it very meaningful.
I hope your H is missing you tonight and just too stubborn to call! Maybe he is scared because he is starting to feel better about things...
anyway- congrats on being done with your state exam. Sounds huge. Best of luck.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
Admiral James Stockdale was shot down in Viet Nam and imprisoned in the "Hanoi Hilton" for almost eight years. He was also its highest-ranking officer. He writes about his experience in his book, In Love and War. How did he survive while others did not? "Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties." He adds, however, what distinguishes his position from simple "optimism" - and formulates what has become known as the Stockdale Paradox: "and confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be."
This is the critical difference which guards against the endless disappointment that optimism’s carrots' evasiveness create - until, maybe, the reward in the end. On the other hand, an ability to continue making realistic assessments of one's current life situation measures and apportions one’s energies and reserves to better face each challenge as it comes, thus positioning one with a stronger chance to prevail.
The Stockdale Paradox has been given its name and is finding new limelight in James Collins’ book, Good to Great: Why Some Companies Make the Leap... And Others Don't’' (a book which itself deserves some attention). The Paradox has merit and invites reflection for troubled times, struggling congregations, and difficult life-decisions.
Me-36 H-30 T-7yr, M-3yr DivorceBusting Saved my marriage! sep 6-08 to 12-08. Together again, things are good!
OW...thanks for the Stockdale Paradox!! Very meaningful...and exactly how I feel!! I have no time line for my goals as i do not want to create expectations that could possibly cause disappointment...all i know is the ending result...how and when is unknown!!!
You are so positive and strong. I'm glad you are able to keep such a positive attitude. Seems like you have had no backslides in a really long time!!!
I know we aren't meant to assume anything, but I personally think there's no harm in assuming that your H is thinking of you and the sitch.
Are you going to make contact or are you going to hold out?
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I am holding out a bit longer. I actually don't have the urge to call/text right now. Like I feel like I am getting into a good place mentally and I don't NEED to hear from him and I'm not as anxious about it anymore. Don't get me wrong, I still love the DAM and know this will work out, maybe that's why I'm not so anxious anymore too. Hmmm.
Like in the begining the days I didn't hear from him I was always worried about whether or not he was thinking about me or if he forgot about me. Now I'm not worried, I know that I am on him mind at least at times and when he is ready to chat I am here, until that time I will not put pressure on him.
I can't believe how something like this could happen. Words can't even describe her loss and I honestly can't even imagine the pain. 