Just so I understand, your H is perfectly aware of the fact that you need that list and it has already been agreed?
Do you and your H ever email? I think what I'd suggest is that, rather than break up the nice and relaxed tone of your texts with something serious like this, sending an email, and maybe waiting until Wednesday to give him the benefit of the doubt and not come across as pressuring. How about something like:
"Hey,
Just wanted to ask if you would please send through your list of required changes (not sure what you call this list or what the least threatening way to refer to it is) in time for my counseling session tomorrow? I really appreciate it, see you tomorrow!
-Daisy"
You would know best exactly what things you need to highlight, but the main point is to keep it as light and non-threatening as possible. I think email is good because it doesn't require an immediate response, the way that SMS sort of does. I also think you should wait as long as possible to send through the request as it seems less pressuring.
If you do decide to send a message, I'd suggest posting it here first.
Hope you're doing well!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Remember, light talk, NO R talk!! LoL. I would also suggest a light email just asking for "the list" (no pressure if you don't call it anything negative) that you need for the IC.
Last night when we were texting he was talking about his week, as far as work schedual, and I asked if he would have some spare time to make the list and he said yes. So I kinda jumped the gun. I honestly cannot remember if I had already asked him before or not. I know I told him about the session but wasn't sure if I had asked for the list. Oh well. I said it very nicely and respectfully and he responded well and said he would make it so it's all good. Thanks for your imput though!
So today I will be at work again and will not initiate contact, I didn't yesterday either but when I took my break there was a message from him, so maybe that will happen again today. If not, no big deal, because we will be together in 2 days! Yay!
I have been working on my goals here and there, I have been applying for jobs, not as much as I should/could but I will ramp it up on Friday when I go out after work to get more applications. My friend that I want to take the knitting class with is starting school and really busy so we are going to put that on hold for a little while. And I might go to a Weight Watchers meeting tonight and if not tonight then Saturday morning before my staff meeting.
You sounds a lot more positive, which I truly think is the key to success in this process!
If you already asked him for the list and he was OK with it, then that's great! You know your H best :).
It is true as you said that what works for one couple may not work for another!
Just a couple more days to go...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
Nothin too new to report here, so far we have not talked today. I am giving him space since I know he is probably working on that list for counseling and needs time to think it over. I hope it gets him thinking in the right direction and not in the "this will never work" direction.
I will keep praying and will continue to give him space. That is the plan for now!
Well he is going to be emailing me "the list" later tonight, tomorrow morning at the earliest. I am getting scared because I am really quite detatched right now and feel like I am moving forward and getting things settled and I am just afraid of letting him back into my life again. I do not have a guarentee of anything and this could go uphill for awhile and then come crashing down again. Part of me wants to call him and tell him not to come tomorrow because I am done with feeling all this pain and lonliness. I do miss him. I do love him. I just don't know how much more of this I can take right now. I know that as soon as I see him again my heart will go all crazy again and I will be 100% sucked back into the madness. I just question whether or not it is worth it.
Ugh.
Well I will wait for the list and see what happens. I will post again tonight if I get the list. Should be interesting.
Hi Daisy!! I hope you got the list and it was positive.
Wow you really seem to be detaching. Yes it gets scary...I went through all those feelings too. Even now with working the 2 jobs and getting everything in my life situated it's like damn, he's probably going to wait till I have all my ducks in a row and everything is good again then he will think he can come waltzing right back into my life...how fair is that??? I did all the work and he gets to reap the benefits!!!
Of course when that time comes I will have to express my needs also, but anywho.... How about tomorrow you do your best to relax and just enjoy his company...think of him as a good friend (with benefits..if that arises..sorry for the pun ) Try not to bring up any R talk at all and if he brings it up..change the subject!! Tell him you just want to enjoy his company no serious chit chat. I'm sure that will shock him.
Good Luck & if you are not back until tomorrow..Have fun!!!
I'm still lurking around and checking my email every ten minutes. Lol. How sad am I? I just can't keep my curiosity at bay about what he says needs to change in order for us to get back together again. . .as I said. Should be interesting.
My mom is driving me nuts right now so I am on here to avoid her. Again. . .how sad. Lol.
I want him back in my life but sometimes I feel like I could be more than fine on my own for awhile and that maybe I'd find someone who I did not share such a rocky past with. Things have never really been peaches and cream for us and I just don't see how that will ever change. I might be a little pesimistic but I just don't want to start the rollarcoaster again, especially if I will never get what I want in the end anyways.
Yes , you are making perfect sense!! Been there done that!! But I have come to the conclusion that no relationship is perfect and there is going to be ups and downs no matter who you are with! So with that I realized that the goods times with H make it so worth all the bad times (and trust me in the 11 years there was ALOT we went thru). I guess you just need to weigh it in. Figure out if your good times are worth more to you!!
Good luck sweetie!! Remember you do not need to make any decisions now either...let the rollercoaster take it's course. You already seem to be doing great with working on you and your PMA and GAL...keep it up!!
) Try not to bring up any R talk at all and if he brings it up..change the subject!! Tell him you just want to enjoy his company no serious chit chat. I'm sure that will shock him.