Hope4us struggle, part 9 or 10 or whatever

[Hope4us]

Locked another one up.

Previous thread

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1603020&page=2&fpart=1

Well, last night was interesting. W either didn't read the email I sent her (which I strongly doubt) or it had some affect on her because she was a different person.

I beat her home from work and when she walked in the door she looked at me and I swear, it was a look I haven't seen for what seems like ever. I swear there was a look of respect. Maybe my imagination, but there was something.

I made dinner while she took S16 out to get some stuff for homecoming decorating at school and when they got home, dinner was ready. She complimented me on the baked chicken and rice I'd made. She was totally engaging, she was laughing, joking, it was like my WIFE, not the alien that has been inhabiting her body for the last year and a half.

Now I'm not falling for it if she's just realized I'm not taking it any more and she's going to try to play me a little longer. ACTIONS, not words. But it was different.

Gotta do some work. I'll check in later.

[whatdidido]

That's great!

Make sure she eventually responds to the letter, and don't ease up because she was nice to you for one night. She may be trying to smooth things over for a while to avoid it. The sooner the better because it seems that it made an impact. If you wait, she may twist it around into something else.

Glad you are seeing some actions, h4u. You deserve it!

[kat727]

Yea!! I remember reading a story in one of Michelle's books where the wife was really just wanting her H to put his foot down with her. I am sure she hadn't even realized it. Well I believe your foot came down. Go get her!

kat

[Hope4us]

Thanks Ladies.

Already this morning W is IM'ing me. She talked to my friend (and hers) Deb about coming over so they could go shopping in Amish country around us. This is good. Deb is one of the friends she didn't want to face because she's ashamed. Deb and her H are going to come over and spend some time with us. That will be GOOD.

Let W see that a couple who has gone through this same thing (Deb had an affair a number of years ago and they put their marriage back together and are happier than ever).

And she won't quit IM'ing me even after I told her I needed to get some work done.

I'll keep you posted.

[lost_in_space]

H4U

Great stuff. Keep doing what is working. And keep doing what you believe to be the right thing.

Cheers to you (well, once the bar opens anyway...)

[fightingirish]

hope.. sorry I have emailed you, H is home and work is crazy.

Im glad that she is responding.. Just keep on doing what you are doing. DON'T get Sucked back in though. She has a long way to go to make up for her attitude.

[Hope4us]

There you are TAL. I wondered if you'd got lost.

Thanks everyone. I know you're right TAL. I'm acting more like an interested observer.

ACTIONS, not words.....

[Puppy Dog Tails]

H4U,

Just wanted to reiterate what everyone else has said. It is IMPERATIVE that you do NOT go all "melty-man" on her right now.

She's testing you. She's trying to see if you'll respond to a mere "smoothing over" rather than the REAL work she needs to do, in my opinion.

The RESPECT, however, is very much REAL -- and you deserve it.

Puppy

[fightingirish]

Are u ok??

[Hope4us]

And the hits just keep on coming......

But not from the W. She hasn't said to me whether she'll read "not just friends" like I asked her to, but the book has been in a different position from where it was when I went to bed and where it was when I got up in the morning the last couple nights so I'm assuming she's reading some after I go to bed.

But.....yesterday my boss was in my area and after lunch he asked me if I wanted to go for a drive and then spent the next hour ripping on me for chit like you wouldn't believe.

Most of it because we aren't getting all the work done in the area we need to get done. Mind you, we have enough work here for 2 mechanics and 2 electricians and I've only had one mechanic for over a year and a half and only had one electrician for over 9 months now, but he's still shreading me.

And oh yeah, I was the second gunman on the grassy knoll in Dallas and I know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried......That's about how bad it was.

He even accused me of not supporting the company line during an incident investigation review meeting we were having. Uh...I was on vacation that day and didn't particiate and the incident investigator is the one that made the comment that he is rippin on me about.......So when I called him on me being on vacation and not even being on that call he said "well, you need to support the company position". I replied, "I do support the company position, but how can it be my fault that someone else made the comment when I wasn't even on the call?" He just looked at me. What a F'er.

So...not only do I have the situation at home to deal with, but now my frickin engineer boss is being an a** (sorry to any engineers out there).

But I guess there was one good thing to come out of it. When I got home, W asked me what was wrong and sat there and listened for an hour while I blew off steam. She was very supportive and validated ME! And then I sat there and listened while she bi*ched about her job and I was very supportive and vaildated HER!

Gotta run, hope everyone has a good day.