I could send an eCard, but he might not bother opening it knowing him (even before the bomb), so I think I'll just send a few sentences instead, but I promise, nothing corny or relationship minded!
My guess is I'll get no response. I usually don't to this kind of thing, but I'm trying to see it as a deposit in the relationship bank...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I'll post later if there are any replies or if H makes contact. He is online again, so I wouldn't be surprised if he did. Just hoping that there is no dreaded R discussion...
Going to act "as-if" we are friends again, but the kind of friends where only he gets to reach out :).
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
OK he actually responded, by IM though, and said "happy new year". For HIM, this is pretty big. Even pre-bomb he was likely to ignore my cards, emails and such around holidays, his birthday etc. So I feel here like he is truly making an effort.
He also just called me one of our NICE nicknames for the first time in MONTHS! He had been calling me nicknames for the past week or so, but they were sort of the insulting jokey ones. I just did a blushing emoticon in response...I want to really encourage his positive behavior, but not jump on it like a puppy dog! He needs to be kept guessing a little bit...
Trying not to read too much into this, but it sure is nice for the moment. It is just nice to have the kind of normal conversation that I used to have with my H, even if it lacks the ILYs. I sort of wouldn't be surprised to see one of those soon though, not getting my expectations up, but have just seen the clues in the things that he's been saying to me. OK I am going to try to do some actual work now. I'm surprised I still have a job here!
ITH
Last edited by istherehope; 09/29/0812:10 PM.
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
ITH - Wooo Hooo!!! You are doing great!! There is vast improvement in the last week. I'm so sorry if I seemed hard on you last week but I only was concerened that you were not focusing on your own mental health.
I am very happy that things are going so good right now for you. Baby steps, patience and PMA!!!
Thanks! Don't worry about being hard on me. I think a lot of people were because I needed it. I let the physical distance between me, H, and the rest of my normal life take its toll on me. Also, whereas I think a lot of the rest of the people on the boards heard that horrid spew at the beginning of the process, I'd been spared a lot of it until the last week or so, and then it came like a slap in the face, like my DBing had meant nothing. So I didn't see the hope for the M that was there, and was just so sick of trying to find things to do for myself here in a place I don't particularly want to be :).
Obviously things have improved though, and I felt better after watching the Secret, even before H's somewhat good email came through, so I don't think it improved JUST because of him. Whatever caused the improvement, I'm grateful. Yes it's baby steps now. The nice nickname actually means LOADS to me. A lot can and probably will happen over my last couple of weeks here. I still need to make some decisions around where/when to go back, but I am hoping for a "sign" that will tell me when/how to make these :). Right now I just am not sure.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
What I am trying to do is to expect the best, expect positives only, but not expect that specific things along the way will happen to get me there, if that makes sense. I think we HAVE to think and feel positive to get a positive outcome, but it is things like expecting a call at a certain time of day etc. that can really mess with our minds and hearts...
Last night, at about 10 PM his time, H sent me a one word email, subject line : hi email text: hi
Weird, but again feeling good that he is thinking of me. I responded this morning, just, Hi silly billy(a nickname), what's up?
He is reaching out more and more with non-business contact, but I am still holding back from showing any real emotion. I am being friendly, but only reactively. Maybe if this lasts for another week or so, I can test the waters a bit. This is what DR suggests, so I'll need to think of a good way to do this...a safe topic that still shows future orientation perhaps, a reference to something I want to do in the next couple of months maybe, an activity or event and see if he takes the bait and shows his own interest...
I'll post later if anything interesting happens.
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
I love that he thought of you late at night and the 'hi' email was perfect wasn't it. Just a nice gesture to show you he was thinking of you. It goes to show that sometimes we don't need to have these big relationship talks that we think we need to. Sometimes simple gestures work just as well. I think you are catching yourself some cheese ITH.
I would say hold off for a little while longer, I like your plan of a week and let him build on this and get used to it. Feel safe in other words.
Baby steps, patience and PMA!!!