My healing

[Bworl]

Frank,

I sympathize.

This is what she believes she needs to do. I know I've shared my thoughts with you before, but I continue to believe that there is only one thing left that your wife has NOT done. And that one thing is what she is hanging her hat on right now.

She needs to move on. It's on her heart, it's in her head, it is her primary focus in terms of a life goal.

I'm sorry for how that hurts. Because I know it cuts like a knife.

Each of these "things" she does is entirely consistent with her goal - a life apart from you where she will be able to live in happiness.

And maybe she will, maybe she won't.

But I would say the chances that she is going to change her mind BEFORE she actually goes out and does it is very small.

You continue to allow her actions to hurt you. And maybe it's just not something that any of us can avoid. I'm sure that the "separating" things that my ex did hurt me as well.

I just think maybe it's time you find a way to hold her actions up to what you know is clearly her current goal. And at least allow yourself the grace to tell yourself, "this is not a personal attack by her on you." I know it seems that way, like some kind of indictment against you. But at this point, I really don't think that's it.

She's just doing what comes next.

I've gotten very tired of the DB'ing lingo like detaching, getting a life, etc. It's flung about (by myself and others) far too much and soon begins to sound like an article of clothing that we just need to pull out and wear around. None of it is either that clean or that easy. ALL of it is a process whose most important component is time.

Don't you think that at least in some ways that you ARE finding it easier to not get slayed by her actions? It seems that way to me at least.


You are the lighthouse Frank, remember that. Your role now is to be the solid one, the one who can be counted on to remain the committed and honest man that your wife knows you are.


Her role is to do what she needs to do.


Be a great Dad Frank. Be a great programmer, or whatever other technological voodoo it is that you do. Be a man of integrity, strength, courage, and confidence.


Be the shining light Frank.


If she finds herself lost one day, yours may be the only light she will be able to see.


And no, that was not thrown out there to keep you attached.


Lots of prayers for you and your family.


Blessings,

Bill

[Jeff223]

guess I need to look at this as just the next steps towards Divorce. Nothing other than that. It's not personal, she just gave up and is moving on.

Ugggg........

She is pushing your buttons Frank. On purpose.

Ball is in your court.........

[frank_D]

guess I need to look at this as just the next steps towards Divorce. Nothing other than that. It's not personal, she just gave up and is moving on.

Ugggg........

She is pushing your buttons Frank. On purpose.

Ball is in your court.........

Why do you say that? She mailed her family, the kids, her friends. I was just 'on the list'.

Why does she need to push my buttons?

Ball is in my court to do what exactly?

I did reply to her e-mail and told her I would move her other E-Mail that I host for her to gmail also so she could have control of it and it would be off my servers.

[frank_D]

Don't you think that at least in some ways that you ARE finding it easier to not get slayed by her actions? It seems that way to me at least.

Yes, it's less and less hurtful. I don't make any attempts to interact with her any more. And she rarely calls me except to ask about coming by to see D13 sometimes.

You are the lighthouse Frank, remember that. Your role now is to be the solid one, the one who can be counted on to remain the committed and honest man that your wife knows you are.

Yes, I know that. For myself, for my kids and in a way for her.

Her role is to do what she needs to do.

Yes, that much is clear.

Be the shining light Frank.


If she finds herself lost one day, yours may be the only light she will be able to see.

Or the only one that will shine back on her. Everyone else may be dark by then.

And no, that was not thrown out there to keep you attached.

I know. Thanks Bill

[ford]

Frank.

I'm at a loss for what to say. you keep stepping in front of the bus and wondering why it hurts.

she is what she is, you are what you are.

she is driving the bus, you keep running in front of it, hoping to change it's course, and the MFer keeps rolling right over you.

dude, I know what it feels like, it [censored] sucks, hurts, paralyzes.

you need to get to the point where you feel that when she hooks up with a gardner, plumber, "healer". you just shrug and say " it is what it is"

and frank, this is the most honest thing to remember in your post married life....

the "wonder bra" is playing the biggest part in the greatest fraud in man kind..

[frank_D]

Frank.

I'm at a loss for what to say. you keep stepping in front of the bus and wondering why it hurts.

she is what she is, you are what you are.

she is driving the bus, you keep running in front of it, hoping to change it's course, and the MFer keeps rolling right over you.

dude, I know what it feels like, it [censored] sucks, hurts, paralyzes.

you need to get to the point where you feel that when she hooks up with a gardner, plumber, "healer". you just shrug and say " it is what it is"

Yep, I'm working on it. Getting out of the way.

and frank, this is the most honest thing to remember in your post married life....

the "wonder bra" is playing the biggest part in the greatest fraud in man kind..

Oh yeah, my W wears them so it looks like she has them.

[ford]

you're a good man, Frank

[frank_D]

Thanks Ford, so are you. We all have our ups and downs in life. Sometimes it's during the downs that we learn who we can depend on.

[frank_D]

In case Fig, AG, Barbie and any of the others who got banned for posting the dreaded 'personal information' are cruising the board, I just want you all to know that I'll miss you if you don't come back. I understand your position and support all of you.

[AmyC]

WTH are you talking about fig got banned???