It's amazing what really breathing and belting out songs can do for you. Do you know it changes ..darn.. your brain chemistry? Alters your mood.. dang.. I can't remember exactly what it does, but there's a reason why there's always singing in churches.. it does something good, heightens your openness to spirituality?
Church choir? Spirituality? That's where my W met OM. And there were multiple romances going on there. Darn ... dang ... bang ... if you want deep breaths yoga is healthier ;-)
W just calls me from her car driving home listening to her IPOD ... apparently it is on roam or whatever they call it when any song pops up. So she says to me i heard the song and decided to call you.....Eros Rammazzotti (se bastase una bella canzone). I don't think she understands the words but just the fact that she called to touch base with me and tell me this and chat for a few minutes is rather odd to say the least. But I will not dwell on it and I am off to smoke a stoogie (again) with the boys....I am afraid that there are not too many women hanging around there.
John, I had a friend point out to me the disconnect between the unconscious motivations and the self-image and how it can lead to some very strange behaviors. For instance, I think that my wife wants to run away from the responsibilities of being a wife and mother, but, her self-image can in no way support that thought so she rationalizes away her behavior and may feel like she has to fight me for custody of the kids otherwise her self-image will be tarnished even though she may at an unconscious level want to be free from the responsibility.
So, there may be unconscious motivations that cause some odd behavior.
I am not sure I am smart enough to figure out what you and your friend are saying....the question remains what unconscious motivation might there be to call me because you hear a song on the radio? What image is she trying to portray and to whom by calling from her car....alone. I thought I said above i would not dwell on it...I guess I am dwelling. It may be something as simple as W realizing that at the very least I have been a good friend for ten years and honestly she does not have a large circle of good friends.
I think of it like this. Your wife does love you. Just because she has this other guy doesn't mean that she has completely swept you out of her heart. Now that she isn't living in fear of you finding out, she is free to let that part of her heart that loves you express itself.
The unconscious motivation is for the affair and for throwing away your family. There is no obviously rational reason for what she is doing therefore, there must be an irrational reason that satisfies some unconscious need or desire.
Let's accept that my wife can't handle the responsibility of being a wife and mother as the true reason for her leaving the family. Then, I ask, is there a way to reconcile that with her self-image? My answer is that there is not. So, she has to invent other reasons to do the things that satisfy the problem that she can't handle the responsibility. In this case, she casts me as the bad guy in the black hat and thus has a justification for doing what she is doing.
I hope that makes a little more sense.
Or, we could decide that they do those kinds of things just to mess with our heads because they like the power trip. I just don't believe that one.
I don't know... sometimes I think they enjoy messing with our heads....
John, I completely agree with Dan. Your wife loves you. She just is very confused and self centered right now. In my humble opinion I would back off, find a way to make yourself happy in the interim and see what happens. Let her come to you.
