This is what she believes she needs to do. I know I've shared my thoughts with you before, but I continue to believe that there is only one thing left that your wife has NOT done. And that one thing is what she is hanging her hat on right now.
She needs to move on. It's on her heart, it's in her head, it is her primary focus in terms of a life goal.
I'm sorry for how that hurts. Because I know it cuts like a knife.
Each of these "things" she does is entirely consistent with her goal - a life apart from you where she will be able to live in happiness.
And maybe she will, maybe she won't.
But I would say the chances that she is going to change her mind BEFORE she actually goes out and does it is very small.
You continue to allow her actions to hurt you. And maybe it's just not something that any of us can avoid. I'm sure that the "separating" things that my ex did hurt me as well.
I just think maybe it's time you find a way to hold her actions up to what you know is clearly her current goal. And at least allow yourself the grace to tell yourself, "this is not a personal attack by her on you." I know it seems that way, like some kind of indictment against you. But at this point, I really don't think that's it.
She's just doing what comes next.
I've gotten very tired of the DB'ing lingo like detaching, getting a life, etc. It's flung about (by myself and others) far too much and soon begins to sound like an article of clothing that we just need to pull out and wear around. None of it is either that clean or that easy. ALL of it is a process whose most important component is time.
Don't you think that at least in some ways that you ARE finding it easier to not get slayed by her actions? It seems that way to me at least.
You are the lighthouse Frank, remember that. Your role now is to be the solid one, the one who can be counted on to remain the committed and honest man that your wife knows you are.
Her role is to do what she needs to do.
Be a great Dad Frank. Be a great programmer, or whatever other technological voodoo it is that you do. Be a man of integrity, strength, courage, and confidence.
Be the shining light Frank.
If she finds herself lost one day, yours may be the only light she will be able to see.
And no, that was not thrown out there to keep you attached.
Lots of prayers for you and your family.
Blessings,
Bill
"Don't tell me the sky is the limit when there are footprints on the moon."
