Thanks, everyone. Who knows what is going on? I think H still has it in his head that love should be easy, come naturally, be hearts and flowers, etc etc. He said again the other night he just wants to "be happy". I said, so do I, and being free to love you boldy and without fear is what makes me happy. He said he wanted to be able to do that, too.....but he was struggling.
I just don't know how to proceed, really. I asked him last night if he wanted to "break up" (I just hate to say that D word) or if he was just expressing his anxiety/frustration. He just looked at me like he was sad and unsure of himself.
Then I said, "one of the things you mentioned yesterday was that you will make an honest comment to me about something you aren't happy about re. me. Then you said I would get upset or act sad about it and you felt you still can't be honest w/me because it hurts me".
He said, "Yeah I feel like when I tell you the truth if I am not happy about something you just get hurt and I feel like I am not allowed to be honest with you."
I said, "Don't you think if you can be honest and say what you are unhappy about, I should be able to be honest and say that your feelings about our R, or about me, hurt MY feelings sometimes? It doesn't mean I don't want to work on us, it just means I want to be as open with you as you are with me."
H said that made sense, he hadn't thought about it like that. SO I don't know. He is doing chores after work and then coming home for dinner. I assume he is going to stay here....he did last night.
My main concern is that I could act "as if" we are just in a rough patch but moving forward, and then he up and leaves next week and says I "knew" he would b/c of our talk this past weekend.
And yet I don't want to keep bringing up the discussion we had Saturday where he said he can't do this anymore, b/c he has mentioned more than once that a big source of his anxiety at home is having to go over and over the negative crap in our relationship to the point where it isn't enjoyable to even be at home.
Last night I dropped the subject after asking if he wanted to break up (he never said yes, never said no, just said he was struggling). I went downstairs and totally left him alone where "old BBJ" would have peppered him with questions about how/why/what next/etc etc. Then HE came downstairs and sought ME out to come watch The Office with him. After saying he was not able to "relax" being here with me???
So, any ideas? Do I act like we are just going through a little setback but trying to tough our way through it? Or do I act like a woman whose husband said he can't do it anymore and needs to live somewhere else?
