Trying2live- the new post 1

[Trying2live]

Ok Ya'll. I am going nuts. It has been a whirlwind! So I tell the H on Saturday that yes he can come over and clean the air filter and check the brakes BUT that I would like him to know how I feel about it. I nice and calmly say that its a very thoughtful gesture but that he wants to come work on the car and then go crawl into be with the OW at the end of the day. I say I don't want my car worked on I want my marriage and H. I say that I should probably learn how to get my and do these things on my own as this is what I would have to do if we were divorced as divorced individuals usually don't pal around like friends. I tell him that he wanted out and that's fine but that I am left to pick up the pieces and all I have is my self respect. He blows up goes into a fit or rage cusses me out and hangs up.

So then he texts D17 last night saying he wasn't invited to Disneyland for S9 bday and he's willing to look past everything for the day. I'm sorry but I am not.
And a few reasons why and here they are. One he needs to know what a D is really going to be like. We would be splitting our time with kids during bdays. He has always looked down at me and his view of me is this: weak, needy and stupid. He never outright said it, but times I would say to him,"ya know I'm not stupid I happen to be very intelligent". Why would I feel the need to say that. It's like he said it without saying it. Whether or not this marriage can be restored or not he must change the way he views me and that can only happen, I feel, if i set these boundaries for myself. I don't know I could be wrong.
You guys know I married my 8th grade boyfriend. Well guess what he cheated on me in the 10th grade. Dumb me should have taken that as a clue, but interestingly enough he said to me he didn't want to break up with either of us he wanted both of us. I can't have him think that's me. In dr. Dobsons' book Love Must be Tough(totally on Affairs) he states that if you appease these betrayers by doing what they want that in his numerous years of experience you doom it to fail for sure and that he has seen when a stand is made that had better odds and a chance at reconciliation.
Anyways welcome to the new Trying2Live new post 1 at least til we hit a 100 girls....So how be it. Feel nuts over the last few days.
How are ya hope. so glad exposure happens. Reality baby! It's good. I know your getting close one more day. How ya holding up.
Hows everyone else Jgrind, twinhope, marisol??