I know what you are saying about not pretending that everything is okay and the people taking sides issue. Although my intent has always been to take the high road, my real goal in not speaking to others has been so it would die a fast death on the gossip grapevine. I thought there would be less chance that my daughters would hear of the crap going on. How does talking to others help me or my situation? I don't ask this in a sarcastic manner - I am geniunely interested in your comments on this.
I think it's more an issue of being honest with yourself and others. Killing gossip is probably the only reason I would see for keeping quiet about it. I think I'm more concerned about you taking on a posture of being the silent suffering LBS.
I know clasic DB-ing says it's best not to recruit "allies" because it makes everything complex. That's true.
On the other hand, people often don't wake up from the affair/fog/mlc until real consequences hit. What consequences has your husband had to face? Financial loss? Public ostracism? Losing friends?
I think when we want to protect our children we will take on immense amount of pain.
I view the WAS and the OP as emotional terroists with bombs strapped to them shilding themselves behind our children. If you want to "take them out" the children get hurt.
I don't think you need to go out and tell everyone, yet I think it's OK to tell the truth when the subject arises. It will come up if you end up getting a divorce.
I don't know. Perhaps it was more a "vibe" I sensed that felt like you were taking in too much of the emotional burden and keeping your husband's dirty little secrets.
