Thanx Rob. Can't help but think of her. I know I have to move my mind forward, and it is, slowly. I know she is not happy. I know she is depressed. I just hope she isn't going to be this person for much longer. My kids are uncomfortable talking to her. My youngest is 16 and says its awkward, not like talking with me. she is trying to act like a firend who wants to hang out, not a mother. She is not vindictive or out to screw me. She understands she walked. She ha made comments about coming over, painting doing what not for the resale. but this woman also told her friend 6 weeks ago she wants a full time job. Ain't happened yet. her goals have so far been pipe dreams. She connects with me a little more each week. I feel that AMY and Sandi and a few tohers are right, she is watching me. To what extent is anyone's guess.

I feel bad for your situation. If my wife was getting to be that way, I could move on at sprinters pace. What is really bad is that things have been tense for us the past couple of years, drinking and partying didn't help. but everyone thought we had a great marriage. I new there were bumps but nothing like this. I can't remember when I have cried so hard.

I look for positive signs when they are there, I try to invnet them. friends and family watch too...MAny comments have been made about her watching me, I'm sure because my physical appearnce is more like my younger years, but mostly I thinkshe watches me , socially. I think she looks to see my responses to people, If I am withdrawn, or anxious, or nervous...I am very outgoing, even without the alcohol and probably a little more so now because I do feel better about myself. I gauge my conversations very well, the whole brain in gear before activating the mouth. My kids and I are very close, even more than before. funny, but one of her compaints to her mother about me the day the bomb dropped was my lack of anyhing for my kids. she told her mom tha I am always on them, never satisfied, always beating them up (verbally). I don't really recollect all that, but I do know I was closer to my kids years ago. I have that back now. they love introducing me to their friends, especially on weekends cause I ain't drinking and being an ass. My youngest has a homecoming dnace this saturday. Fro the past two years she went and got changed at her friends house rather than have people come to our house. Mostly because we are weekend parties. she was afarid of being embarrassed. Guess what, all the girls and guys are meeting at my house for pictures. She wants me to meet her firends parents. I don't know if she mentioned it to my wife or not. but I'll tell you, it made me cry to hear her say that. This is one of many instances lately. Makes me feel good that my kids think so much of my changes, that it brings out this typoe of behavior. this all for a guy who was told he didn't have much to do with his kids the past couple of years. Talk about your 180s.

We are rearranging furniture tonight because my daughters want to. we are painting and they can't wait. I have a hot meal on the table everynight that I am home (camp is closing in two weeks so it will be everynight). We sit and talk as a family. My brother in law is living with me temporarily (i need the rent), yes my wife's brother. He is appalled at the whole thing and he says this woman is not his sister. they were as tigh as tight could get, but he doesn't know her.

I don't mean to ramble on, but this is paert of my dilema, if I get to far down the road and she isn't even looking at changes, then I wonder if she will give up even thinkijng about us is she can no longer see me. Anyway, keep in touch, good luck with your situation. If you have any others out there that are going throguh this and coming out reconciled, I'd love to hear from them. I need as many positives as i can get. Even tho your sitch isn't positive in that respec, it is positive to have you at least rooting for me and lending me your support. Thanks