KAW..the patience thing gets old after awile..but we all know we have to keep these changes going, and they do get alittle easier..I also know the biting the tongue thing...mine should have chunks out of it with all that I have had to do..mainly in other areas of my life not with h.
Seems like your w is testing you big time..waiting for a reaction..keep your cool with it..that will really confuse her or maybe she will begin to see the changes are for real and not just temporary. Have you ever just said to her "if you are going to xyz will you pick up xyz for me?" I get the feeling that she thinks she can't go out alone..again her problem, but she needs the little extra boost without her knowing that that is what you are doing.
