nds you are doing so well. It seems that your sitch has turned in the past few weeks as you've pointed out. I'm sure it's hard as things improve to be holding onto that one piece of 'evidence' that hasn't come yet. But think about this - if you were to get that piece of evidence and she actually said it to you, would that be enough? Sometimes we think something or some words will change our thoughts or behavior but when it actually comes it doesn't have the desired effect.
I'll give you an example. I've been frustrated the last few weeks about not having any physical contact with my W besides a hug and kiss on the cheek in the morning. This weekend we actually made out on her initiative. Now before that happened I thought getting that kind of physical signal would set me on feeling that we are finally arriving. It did answer the question of whether she still had feelings of chemistry and attraction for me - no doubt I felt it this weekend. But it didn't have the impact on my psyche that I thought it would. Now my standard has changed to how about that kind of interaction a couple times a week, and throw in some snuggling and hand holding while you're at it. With this thinking I tend to overlook the time I just had and how nice it was.
Sometimes we hold onto a piece that we are not getting and it makes us lose focus on the positive things that are actually happening in the present moment. It acts as a sort of distraction. Kind of like the person who buys a new car and they feel fulfilled for a short time, then they are onto the next fix. I'm not saying this is happening to you, but I think if she met the bar you have set in your mind, the bar would merely change to something else you need to see. That movement of the bar can go on endlessly until we actually put a stop to it altogether. I speak from my own experience in this and it's just my point of view.
Anyway, I'm glad you are doing well.
Hey Steady Some good points and I can see what you are saying...makes me think about this past weekend with my wife, and how maybe I am finally starting to pay attention to the "little things".
First was the bar incident and just the simple fact that it went no further and did not turn into a reminder, a don't get your hopes up, etc.
Another was the "chicken wing text"...unusual for her to go out of her way to ask what I want and then go out of her way to make sure I got it.
That night she made wings, some homemade mac and cheese, we watched football, hung out in the living room and sat by each other most of the night on the couch just chatting and being close. One note about that night...although I had a couple beers when I got home, she cooked and was busy before she came into sit down, and did not have a drink until the end of the night as we were cuddling up on the couch.
We both are still doing a little too much drinking, but I have noticed a change in her behavior when there is not alcohol involved....looser and more relaxed without it...more conversation...like she is not using the alcohol to get past the sitch and allow her feelings to show...they are there at times without it.
That night we kissed, stayed close and I pushed a bit to ML and got rebuffed....I told her that it seems we always end up there, and sometimes I push, sometimes she does, but wanted to let her know how much I enjoy the closeness even when we don't. I asked her to come to bed, instead of falling asleep on the couch and she did.
In bed we made plans to get up early, and head out for the day. Another thing that is going to sound silly with all that we do, but we have not planned a day out together near home in ages...concerts, weekend getaways...partying.you name it. We have not just spent a simple day doing something fun in a long time.
The plan was a local garlic festival in the morning, then close by was a beer and wine festival. If we got up and stuck to our plan we would have time for both and get home to watch the football game.
It is hard to put my finger on it, but there was something so different coming from her yesterday. Joking with each other, wise comments, poking and pinching and ba** busting....a silly, fun day that reminded so much of the early days of our relationship. We walked close and pointed things out to each other, tried different foods, people watched and had fun. At the garlic festival we joked about our breath and checked each others to see how bad it was after sampling all the foods that were there.
At the beer and wine festival the same thing...she was there for the wine and both of us for the beer. I let her show off her wine knowledge as we walked around and talked to the people from the different wineries and sampled as many as we could.
The beer section was more for both of us and she showed her "beer and pretzel" side...we sampled a bunch, had some lunch, laughed, joked and had a ball.
Home for the football game, some snacks and I made us a late dinner, as we had already taken something out to thaw when we left.
She was close and affectionate and last night it was her that initiated all the intimacy.
Regardless of all the good times, the closeness and intimacy I know that this sitch could still go either way, and the direction could be more up to me and my attitude than hers.
Although my heart still needs to hear the words from her that she wants to work on our marriage, my mind, ears and eyes are starting to see and hear a different tone from her, that makes it easier to keep working towards the goal of hearing it from her.
