I hear your frustration and I send you a comforting hug.
I wonder what would have been the outcome if when wife said she was going out with friend, you said ok, and took daughter on picnic instead?
I remember Michele telling a story in one of her books about Couple A who invited Couple B to various outings. The B's were always late and finally, one time the A's ate dinner without them. When the B's finally showed up, the A's told them they could help themselves to the food which had been put away into left over tupperware.
I am thinking that doing something similar might help you.
