Starting a new thread. My first post will be a long one. FaithfulH came out to LI and we went to see the movie Fireproof together. We had dinner beforehand and coffe afterwards. He gave me the manual that goes with the movie.
More to come.
As much as frank_d hails the PDF as BS...so do I hail his Hero crap as BS. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
This will be one of my longest and perhaps painful posts and I may get ma *A kicked. I'm prepared.
Yesterday, my friend FaithfulH met me for lunch and invited me to see a movie. As fate would have it, I got called as he was on the way ...for a ruptured appendix. I thank him for hanging out for me. He took me to see the movie Fireproof. The movie is a 'homegrown' film about a married couple who have reached the end of their rope...and....the wife files against him. Of course, I won't tell you the ending..but you can guess it. It is a religious backed film.
The movie:
was corny at times
not well-acted
had it's sad moments
DID make one reflect
As I watched...like many would here...I saw my M, in parts. HOWEVER....I did all 'the right stuff' as did the main character. I saw similarities on the screen. The only difference.....I got screwed over and over again. I never got the brass ring. I never got a wife with compassion, understanding and forgiveness.
I got OM3.
After the movie, FH gave me the companion book, and, like the movie, I started out reading 'Day 1'. FOR ME....NOT TO SAVE MY M OR GO BACKWARDS TO FALSELY HOLDING ONTO RECONCILIATION HOPE.
This movie is excellent for any newcomer...any person who is religiously inclined...anyone here who would label themselves a 'stander'. But...I didn't take away from the movie what most would. I didn't leave with renewed hope for saving my M...or new religious tenets....what I left was....was....stuff for ME.
My turn...I'm sorry.
The last few posts on my last thread were a bunch of hokey BUll$hil.
C'mon.
That hero crap is a bunch of BS. You can stand outside your home in a Marine uniform and it don't mean crap.
Denial of that PDF...for the most part...is..well....DENIAL. The PDF DOES describe a subset of women and BEHAVIOR. I agree that to hang your life on it or to make marriage decisions on it is wrong...but to be blind to it is just as bad and possibly another form of denial.
And anyone still posting using the wimp word, after all this time, well....IS a wimp.
Some people here refuse to look at their situation and they still post the daily goings of a WAS's who, for now, are lost to them. And every day they get up and stand in front of the bus..only to get mowed over again and again.
Some people continue to post responses that are still mired in anger and refuse to move forward and better their life and find the enjoyment and beauty that surrounds them daily.
Some stay here and continue to try and rationalize away their WAS's behavior as 'alien', 'sick', 'lost', etc. Perhaps they are. Perhaps not.
BTW....I am not excluding myself from the attacks.
OK....face it: -many drank -many blame their S's for not running to their side when they were down -many sat for way too many hours in front of a PC screen when they should have been reading to their kids -some totally ignored their S's emotional needs -and some, probably, did nothing except marry someone who basically got bored and/or lost sexual interest in them
It happened. It's horrible. It hurts. It brings us back to day one.
GAL.
That's what I took away from the movie.
I filed last December because I was done...because I couldn't take the pain anymore...because I didn't know where my W was at night...because I had three men's names under my belt.
I did what the guy did in the movie.
She didn't.
After the movie, I greeted my kids and I kissed my W on the forehead. I'm sure that blew her away. This morning, I got up early and started to make the kids their lunch.
W: Why are you doing that...it's the one thing I like to do in the morning. Why are you taking it away? Me: Ok...XXX...I won't do it anymore. I made you coffee.
Went back and did a wash. Told her that I would be home early for the holidays and would take D5 and S8 to the soccer field to practice with them and that she was welcome to go.
I have filed against my W. I made my bed and have to sleep in it. I cannot change how she feels about me nor how she sees me my contributions:that I lied about her in all the court documents...that I put her down to all my friends while SHE didn't do that to me....about how much pain I caused her in the beginning of our M..how cruel it was to file for custody..that I put it out there that she was sick/bipolar. I also cannot change the fact that she can't accept her responsibility in this nor her responsibility for how she treated me prior to filing.
It is what it is...it behooves us to continue to go forward and learn from this....accept it....and go on.....
What I took from the film...is NOT to try and be some hokey hero...NOR to ignore issues...but to aim to be a better person/man.
There is NO PDF on that.....
FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
Personally I like your post, FIB, and I don't think you said anything wrong.
Sometimes it takes more courage, personal conviction and strength of character to walk away than it does to "stand" and keep getting knocked upside the head.
And I don't happen to give a rat's ass if anyone disagrees with me because my opinion doesn't support the fluff and stuff that gets spoon-fed to newbies here by those that have never even really even been IN this warzone themselves.
Sometimes all that a true warrior can do is save themselves, FIB.
Hey FIB, you beat me by a few weeks on the filing. Why are we both still married? It only took me a weekend in Vegas to get married - why does it take almost a year to get unmarried? When I went to get the license at Clark county Nevada, they failed to put a warning label on it.
I hope you got my point that your STBX isn't the person in the PDF, she's the entitled princess who thinks that she's supposed to have the 'hero' there all the time. That's my point. You can't be that hero all the time.
I agree with AmyC, it does take courage to do what's good for yourself.
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
KerryK...I love to quote that book. Never knew there was a Youtube on it. Mandatory reading for men IMO (helps women too). Yes...I am into 9 months post filing. State of NY. FIB
Me 55; XW 47; 2 kids (S13, D11) Bomb 05/19/06 Original thread http://tinyurl.com/yg2ou2t Last anniversary 04/25/10, Divorced 5/12/10 Status: Loving father of 2 beautiful children;
When I went to get the license at Clark county Nevada, they failed to put a warning label on it.
Kerry, You took a big gamble there; hopefully you'll hit the jackpot next time. As it is D is easy/quick enough to get except maybe in NY state; some of us should have been in Greece while others in the quickie places. Sorry to hijack.
Except there is never a never. You can ALWAYS make changes. And you CAN change her perception of you. You may not want to, and you don't have to...but you CAN.
I hope you are doing well !
sg Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, LOVE never fails / DB since 2001
