If I understand your question correctly JJ, you are asking what have I been doing lately that has brought her back more to participating more in R.
Yup, you got it, buddy! Great answers!!
I've found that sometimes I have gotten so wrapped up in "taking care" of my wife, "shielding" and protecting her from some of life's everday problems, that I've done both her, and our relationship, a disservice.
I have had to do some things lately that have made her realize that she has to "step up to the plate" when it comes to "real-life" stuff, and it hasn't been real pleasant at times. However, the means has been justifying the ends.
Keep in touch with your intentions of your actions, and you should come out with good stuff in the end!
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
sorry it's taken me some time to get back around here.
If I knew how to use the quote thingy, I'd lift the portion of your last post about your sceptisism about your effectiveness and wanting to know in your heart that the OM is not in the picture, and then I'd swing a 2x4 at you (lovingly, of course).
Remember when you told me on my thread not to take something that is actually nothing and superimpose a negative connotation on it? Well, do as say so well.
I mean, if your wife is wanting to snuggle or receptive to you pleasuring her, then that's a great thing. Take advantage of those opportunities to draw closer wthout worrying whether her motivations are "pure." There are no white knights and no pure maidens.
Stick to reality and your positive dance steps. Take each day and each moment in stride. Be grateful that your W has sought medical attention in the past - some who should never do. If yours has before, she likely will again. PATIENCE.
Even the best marathon runners have to train. And while my brief experience with you here leads me to believe you're on of the best piecers here, you still need to practice the principles.
Boy, I'm getting damn tired of this!!! Everytime I feel we are making genuine progress towards getting closer together, she does some that pulls away in ways which has been getting me really aggravated lately.
While we didn't do anything really eventful during this vacation, we did get in a lot of relaxing and quiet time and still by the end of the week, I was feeling pretty good about the R between CAW and I was getting better ... almost "normal".
... then comes today! ... The weather last week was hot & sticky or raining, so it really didn't lend it self to doing any outdoor activities. Weather channel was saying today should be one of the nicest days of the season, so I decided to extend my vacation by one more day and told CAW we could do a picnic or something like that. After taking her shower this morning, CAW annouces she was going over to a friends house and then to do some shopping. A bit annoyed by this, I responded, "Then maybe I should go into work then!"
CAW: "This proves my point. I can't go out on my own."
Me: "When I brought going on a picnic, you couldn't bring it up then?"
CAW: "I didn't say anything."
KAW: "Exactly my point. You didn't mention anything! Now you just spring it on me."
CAW: "Well I just thought you could watch D9 and I could take am oppurtunity to be on my own.
I just let it go and just said, "Then take it." She stormed out in a huff. I mean, I voice my expectations about how I wanted to spend the day I decided to take off. She makes no comment, then expects me to be OK with her spur of the moment decision to not include either of us in her day's agenda.
Well, I did take the oppurtunity to spend the day with D9 and we went to a local zoo and park.
When we got home after 3:00pm, W was still not home. She came home about a half hour later, So now the day I was hoping to spend together, is now over and did her own thing. If she wants a babysitter , all she has to do is ask. I welcome spending a day with D9 when I can, but just to tell me she was going after I expressed how I hope we would spend the day?...
Won't plan to take any time off for a while just to spend with CAW. I don't like getting "played" like that. I need to calm down and I hope venting this will help with that ... then I'm contemplating bringing it up this evening how I felt about it. Those kind of talk usually don't go well, but I need to find a way to approach this stuff...
Let you know how it pans out ... of course, if there are any suggestions out there about what may work better, I like to hear it.
Quote: so I decided to extend my vacation by one more day and told CAW we could do a picnic or something like that.
sorry Kaw..I hope this reaches you before you go home...
YOU decided to take an extra day off. YOU thought the two of you could take in a picnic or something.
ok now let's see..
CAW decides that she'd like to have a day off and go visit friends.
seems to me that the two of you just find another way to express your intentions...let's say the next time you decide to take a day off of work to spend with her...why not talk to her about it first? ask? "I was thinking of taking an extra day off so that we could take in a picnic or something, how does that sound to you? then you get an answer...sure she should have let you know her plans as soon as you made mention of having some ideas for the day...but did you ever actually ask her?
Quoting KAW: so I decided to extend my vacation by one more day and told CAW we could do a picnic or something like that.
Devil's advocate here buddy, but is this the exact way you said it?
Did you phrase this as an invitation to her where she could accept or decline, or maybe a "this is what I'd like to do, what do you think?"
It ALMOST sounds to me like you got some communication wires crossed here. This has happened to me many of times, and I've gotten the same, disappointing results. My wife and I have to be pretty direct and clear before hand with what we expect from the day, and make sure that we're on the same track.
then I'm contemplating bringing it up this evening how I felt about it. Those kind of talk usually don't go well, but I need to find a way to approach this stuff...
If you think that what I wrote above may have some merit, just let her know that when you said ........ , what you really meant was ...... , and that you're sorry if she may have heard something different. I wouldn't go into any "feelings" things, maybe keep it directed more towards a better way of communicating type of arena.
Then, I would just drop it, and go on to tell her what a genuinely fun time you had with D9 today, and some of the fun stuff you did together! (With NO sarcasm or guilt trips behind it about the fact that she wasn't there )
JMHO
JJ
Read about Divorce Busting® Telephone Coaching here!
Hey friend - two words for you : "Whoooaaa Nellie!"
Look, I can empathize with you on the frustration and the PMA battle. I've been going through this the better part of 8 months, and there are times I want off the roller coaster so bad I can't stand it.
But I'll repeat to you Michelle's wise test that sage and workinghard must always remind me - is your planned discussion likely to move you closer or further from your goal?
Now, I know you're probably mad enough right now to say that your goal is to end this thing, you've had enough. But deep down, you know that's just your hurt and frustration taking control of you.
And another piece of advice I received recently from a wise DBer named KAW went something like this: when the WAS is on the fence, that might just poke you with the stick to see if the beast can be roused again - they're making sure it's really dead and not just sleeping.
Is it possible she's just poking you with the stick?
Take it easy - see if she'll watch your D( tonight and you go to the gym and work out your frustration till your exhausted. Then wait a day or two more. If you still need to talk to her about it, at least you'll likely be calmer. But maybe you won't and you'll have moved on. In the meantime you can think of behaviors that YOU can do differently that might preclude your W from doing something like this again.
Bottom line from me - wait, cool off before having a talk with her. Your gut is telling you this too, I'm guessing, since you started by doing the right thing by coming here to vent.
A bit annoyed by this, I responded, "Then maybe I should go into work then!" 
)