Hiya Sue, yea sometimes I get uncomfortable writing about the ups and downs, because they seems to swing to such extremes that it might sound like I'm crying "wolf" when things seem down. I mean ... she went from not being able to look me in the eyes at all on Thursday nite after having fun at the fair and D9 spent the night at a friends house so we were alone in the house to the kinda nite we had on Tuesday!

Shiny, I been recommending that she have some hormonal tests done since last year. Back in January, she finally called an endocrinologist (she is also diabetic, so it couldn't hurt), but the didn't have an opening any sooner than April, so she didn't make it hoping to find another that could see her sooner. She never followed up and now its summer. After school was out and now she felt she had time to see someone, I mentioned it again. She went to her general physican, who then prescribed the Xanax to use as needed (doc did warn it was addictive) when she felt a panic attack coming on. She can sense them most of the time and didn't recommend seeing an endocrinologist, but suggested seeing her OBGYN if she felt they were related to her monthly cycle. She hasn't made that appointment yet either. Can a OBGYN order hormonal tests? What's name of the tests that should be requested?

Yashie, I'm glad you're "here" too and thanks for dropping in. For about eight years she has been on Prozac. Last spring, her psychologist upped the dosage from 40mg to 80mg stating the medical term as "Prozac poop-out" for her recent returning symptoms of depression, but it doesn't seem as effective as when she first went on it and it really hasn't lessen the panic attack that came back last year and stayed. While she has told me directly, the indirect comments she makes lead me to believe she attributes her unhappiness and depression to her wanting to be with OM, therefore she believes no medical intervention will help, altho she does take her medication routinely.

Yashie, I have quite a few interests and hobbies the keep me busy. In fact, I have had to actually curb them back some, because that was a main resentment on her part in feeling I was spending too much time on my interest. So I've learn to balance it better, plus I learn to spend more time bonding with D9 too.

Quoting JJ:
What things are you doing lately that are "enabling" CAW to step up in the relationship a bit?

How have you been maybe nudging her towards being an active participant in your relationship, instead of just a passive observer?
If I understand your question correctly JJ, you are asking what have I been doing lately that has brought her back more to participating more in R. Lets see if I can do this without getting long worded. Actually, I think finding more of the balance I just mentioned to Yashie. At first, I spent too much time doing my thing. Last year I did my 180 and made the priority of my attention and I think after a while it smothered her a bit, especially if she wasn't asking for it. Now, I offer to spend time with her if she wants, but if she just wants to sit there on the bed, I let her know she choosing to be bored and I'm not going to miss out on doing the stuff we enjoy doin too, so if she doesn't join in I do them with D9 or do my own thing. Hearing D9 come back and say what a great time she had with Dad as well as my PMA seems to have the effect of making her realize what she is missing out on some good stuff and now wants to join in more.

Altho, more directly about the intimacy of the R, I can't help but wonder if its because the forced distance between her and OM because he's been out of town for the past month and she's just feeling lonely and I'm just a warm body to fill in for him while he can't be near. See how those thoughts form just like that! This is my current struggle within. I know I should know better than make such assumptions but until I know in my heart that OM is no longer in the picture, I've really become too skeptical of whether I'm really all that effective in what I do towards bringing her closer to seem to dismiss these negative thoughts. While I never really expressed it here before in these words ... but there are days (quite a few actually) where I believe if he asked her to move in with him, she would be gone ... so I'm just the next best thing...

Enough of that ... yes I don't ponder on it too long and I do move on, but they just keep coming back ... moving on ...

This is taking longer that I expected and have overrun my lunch break and I have lots to do today since I will be on vacation next week ... nothing planned yet do to money, but CAW just told me we just got a call on the raffle I enter at the fair for a free trip ... so who knows ... might be a fun-filled vacaton afterall ...

'til later,
KAW