Hi Baggy...as you know, these are common marital mistakes, not just sex-starved mistakes, and not just Baggy and Mrs. Baggy mistakes.
Its so hard when - even WE can see we are behaving like a child and just slinging sh*t because our feelers are hurt - and yet we can't stop ourselves from doing it!
My fiance and I have just finished out a very rough week-long fighting extravaganza where I slept in the guest room for the whole week. We finally got a little better and closer over the weekend, but we are not back to 100% yet...and as usual, being that we are/were fighting, he wants nothing to do with sex, and me...well I could do it in the middle of a fight if he would let me....it never stops me from wanting it with him. But I already know that it will take him another day or two after making up before he is emotionally ready for it again. (Sigh). Poor me.
However, I am getting really good at standing up for myself - in a way that he has to face as reality, instead of just me being a bitch. In other words, usually I do have a valid point about some behavior of his, and if I could effectively communicate it to him, he would (possibly) just say "oh I see your point and I will work on that". But instead, I usually say it in a critical way (which is due to my own hurt feelings) and therefore, he won't listen to it at all and just gets defensive, fight ensues, etc. Anyway, that's my usual M.O. but I AM finally now getting better at saying it in a constructive versus a critical way.
However, the past week full of events all went wrong on both our parts. We know we need counseling to help us with the fighting tecniques and some other issues...so my task this week is to sign us up for an appointment by the end of the week.
I am sorry to hi-jack Baggy....I'm just telling you, I suppose, that even though me and Mr. DQ have really got it going on most of the time, the passion between us causes not only the good sparks, but also the dangerous sparks, too...so I HEAR YOU. I do know what you are saying, how easy it is to backtrack, and how quickly I get sexually frustrated (like within a matter of days) and how this affects how I communicate to him.
He has his side of the equation and his communication problems too, but I only feel right about sharing mine here on the forum.
Baggy, you and Mrs. Baggy are so in love...the passion is building....the coals are almost so hot that they will keep burning without adding any more lighter fluid....you are almost there. It won't take that much more time before you will always know what to say, what not to say, and she will be more and more open to her inner burning coals....
