Wow! It been nearly a week since I posted last to my thread. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago. ... but I have been reading all your responses.
Overall, I have doing pretty good. There's been some ups & downs, so I'm going to use a slightly different format here. This might even resemble on of sage's formats.
The downs this week:
Sunday morning, CAW (starting to seem to inpersonal to keep typing "W") gets dress as if she is going out (whole different attire than if she was staying home). I ask if she was going out as she made no mention of it. She replied, she wanted to do a few errands. I went about my business like I was alright about it (which I was, altho I would have liked an invite like the ones I make just like the day before, but ... ) When she got back, she walked in with a Walmart bag. I made the comment that there were a couple of things I would have liked to pick up there had I known. She got all flustered and got melodramatic ... "I won't ever go out alone again!" This is was a flashback to how she was a victim of my control. So I intended to break this old pattern. As I started to respond, she kept interrupting with, don't worry about it, but I will never go out alone again!" I then change my tone to a firm but not raised voice and said, "You are going to hear me out! I got no problem with you wanting to go out. It just would had been nice if you asked if I was interested in where you were going to either go with you or see if I would have like something pickup where you were going like I did yesterday. If I had no interest, I wouldn't have mind you going out on your own. So don't tell me you can't go out on your own again! ... and that was that. The next day, while sitting on the bed again, she made a reference to be stuck in her prison again. I challenge again with, "Are you still mad about yesterday?" She said, "No, it me. I just don't feel like doing anything again." I said, "That's your choice." and left the room.
- As I mention in recent post, CAW has come to believe that her "big" panic attacks are part of the symptoms of her PMS. Well they been steadily getting more frequent and worse as the week progresses. Over the weekend she started taking the Xanax in the evening, which seem to help at first, but made her kinda drowsy during the day ... and Sunday nite she took the med but still had a "big" one.
- When ever we talk on the phone, I would end the conversation with ILY and she give the obligatory ILY back and I would say bye. This is the only time I get a ILY except for two other times this year when said them first. So this week I decided to do a 180 here and not say ILY and pause to see how she would end it. There's been some awkward pauses, so I would then say "see you later" and wait. Still some more awkwardness from her, then I would say "bye". I won't make the ILY's anymore, but I think I will continue to end the phone call with a quick "SYL" so there is no more awkward pauses. Its obvious she is just not in the place where she feels it yet. PERIOD.
- Which brings me to even tho there are many positives to that I deliberately going to list last to end this on a positve note and I do believe she is drawing closer and it is getting better, its in the back of my mind this is only happening now, because OM had been out of town for a month as just now learned from an outside source. Now only if there was a way to keep him from coming back...
OK, now for the positives:
- She's been placing her head on my shoulder more and more. She only seems to do this when she feels good in OR.
- She mentioned this weekend about wanting to see a movie when its released ... a western of all things.
- She set a date and started planning to celebrate for D17's 18th b-day coming up this weekend.
- Monday evening, for the first time in over two months, she let me please her in ways that have always endeared her to me ... and it ended up with her being pleasantly shocked by the number of times she was moved. (I'll let it go at that as I don't want to sound like I'm bragging), but Tuesday nite she mention she like some more, but her PMS was not longer "P". I still offered my services, but she declined with a smile.
Its getting late and I gotta leave for home, so I'll end it here for now...
Thanks again for all that have stopped by. I do owe a debt of gratitude to each and every one of you. I would be where I'm at now if it weren't for you.
... but I have been reading all your responses.
) When she got back, she walked in with a Walmart bag. I made the comment that there were a couple of things I would have liked to pick up there had I known. She got all flustered and got melodramatic ... "I won't ever go out alone again!" This is was a flashback to how she was a victim of my control. So I intended to break this old pattern. As I started to respond, she kept interrupting with, don't worry about it, but I will never go out alone again!" I then change my tone to a firm but not raised voice and said, "You are going to hear me out! I got no problem with you wanting to go out. It just would had been nice if you asked if I was interested in where you were going to either go with you or see if I would have like something pickup where you were going like I did yesterday. If I had no interest, I wouldn't have mind you going out on your own. So don't tell me you can't go out on your own again! 
... and that was that. The next day, while sitting on the bed again, she made a reference to be stuck in her prison again. I challenge again with, "Are you still mad about yesterday?" She said, "No, it me. I just don't feel like doing anything again." I said, "That's your choice." and left the room.
