I think I screwed up. I texted W to see if she could talk today and she called me at lunch. Telling her about the mediation went fine then she told me how angry she was that I invaded her privacy but that she was going to let go of that anger and not be vengeful...I asked what she wanted to do to me and she said that stupid stuff ran through her head like letting the air out of my front morercycle tire so I would be inconvenienced. I said or die next time I ride it. She countered that it would be obvious. But that she wasn't there anymore. I tried to validate but I don't think I did a good job this time.
We We started Big R talk about her feelings for me and she said we should sit down and talk about it sometime. She said that she loves me and respects me and that I'm the father of her child and even a father to her other child. She said that loves me like a sort of brother and she wouldn't ever want anything bad to happen to me. (Here's where I failed big time.) The respect comment and the "wouldn't want anything bad to happen to me" comments I made a laugh sound. She became really hurt, and shut down.
I wanted to hear what she was going to say.
It took every ounce of self control I could muster to not text her with "I'm not your Brother I'm your husband and something bad did...is happening to me."
I also want to tell her that It's hard for me to listen to her say she respects me when she is not respecting me.
Either way I should have listened better and I didn't text her. I'm supposed to call her tonight to fill her in on D9's Dr. apt. We'll see. I need all the help I can get.
It just made me feel so shitty.
Last edited by HopefultotheEnd; 09/26/0808:15 PM.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
It's strange. this morning I was in a great mood. Divorce is pending but I was ok with it. Then W pours out some feelings and I want to change them. Change her mind, convince her...even still when I know it won't do any good. I want to r talk and tell her. We can do this. I won't...and didn't but the incomplete conversation from earlier is eating at me.
I could use a boost right now.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
It is a hard spot to be in. Sometimes I have the same thoughts. There is nothing you can really say at this point. I have found it to be normal to go back and forth until you reach a certain point where you know that whatever happens you will be fine. The best thing you can do is not let what your W says or does effect your mood. It is hard, believe me I know.
Just stay strong for yourself and the kids. Whatever happens is going to happen. Do the best you can do for yourself and the kids. You can't control her, only yourself. Just do the right thing and everything else will fall into place. No matter what, if you do the right thing you will be a better person no matter what happens. Stay strong.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
You are right, I was able to do some venting. I feel much better. I doesn't hurt that I had a blast getting the pants beat off me in memory by D4.
A buddy invited me to a party tomorrow but I don't think I'm going to go. I pretty much planned spending the whole weekend home with the kids. We have been so busy lately (by design) that we need some home time.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
I had a great weekend! Kids and I were productive, did some creative fun things and went to a really cool event yesterday.
My brief low point on Friday was relatively short lived. I don't know what happened but I feel much more detached now. Almost as if something has ripped free. I still think of W and our sitch but not a lot of feelings...a little bit of resentment, disbelief, and acceptance.
I would never act on these but I almost feel like telling her off. Y'know just letting her know exactly how I feel abut her and the choices she's making and the life she is choosing. Ahh, well. Time for us to do our homework for the mediator.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
I would never act on these but I almost feel like telling her off. Y'know just letting her know exactly how I feel abut her and the choices she's making and the life she is choosing.
I think about that from time to time. To bad it would be really counter productive. She may figure it out one day and may not like what she finds.
Glad you had a good weekend and are feeling better.
Last edited by yenko69; 09/29/0804:41 PM.
A warrior does not give up on what he loves, he finds the love in what he does
Still doing ok. It helps having a direction even if it is not the one in witch I like to go. It's freeing to a degree. I still think about things alot.
I just found a buyer for my old project truck that I've been keeping around. Sad to see it go but I didn't have time for it and when the time comes it'll be best that it's gone.
The house is a huge mountain for me to deal with. Gotta try and sell it but the market stinks. Can't start until we go through years of crap stuffed in every nook and cranny. I've started but it sucks because I have no idea if I'll be doing it all myself or not.
On the positive, I took the kids to Pizza night with a local parents group. It was really fun. I have the whole weekend to hang out with my friends too so I'm looking forward to that as well
Take care.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
I'm going to procede with Mediation, W an I are alternating weekends with the kids and she still has tuesday and thursday evenings. Unfortunatly she still is watching them at the house so I'm not sure how to handle this weekend when I'm not out or away.
Last night was ok. She wants to be chatty that's no big deal but when she said bye to me and I said bye back and walked away she asked if we are'nt hugging each other goodbye anymore. I shrugged and said I don't know. We left it at that. Until she called me out to the car to tell me something about her interaction with my mom. We did hug goodbye then. Hmmm...
Part of me feels detatched enough to act as if through mediation, but sometimes I don't want to keep silent. I really wanted to ask her, "When are we going to tell your parents the truth?" But I don't think this would do anything for me, her or our sitch except it would make her worried and angry at me. I don't think I'm going to go there yet. After D perhaps.
I still love my wife but I can finaly say honestly that I do not want to be with the woman as she is now, the lying, decietfull, cheating...[person].
So far I've been struggling to not say anything to her. I do not contact her or answer her calls right away. I've texted only about necessary items. This is all stuff I've done for 7 months. I've thought about trying a few friendly texts to see but then think to my self..."Why?" she is not going to stop seeing OM.
In person it is much more difficult for me. I don't do dark well but I'm great at friendly.
So i'm still stuck in the "What now?" phase.
Me:34 W:31 d's 5 & 10 M: 5 years, T: 8, Bomb1 3/8/08,#2:3/28/08 Asked 4 D:4/19/08, discovered PA 5/8/08,W moved out 6/30/08 W pregnant by OM: 2/17/08
HTTE, I'm no expert by any means on what now. Your situation has a lot of things making it difficult. There is your W still living in the house and that your one daughter is your step-daughter. Things are easier for me in a lot of ways, my W walked away and swoops in to spend a little time with the kids every so often and she sleeps somewhere else every night. I imagine that she even sleeps in the place she is paying rent for on occasion.
What now will be influenced somewhat by what is decided in mediation. Will you have to move? How will that effect school for your step-daughter?
I have tentative plans to move to the city where the kids are in school and depending on the maintenance and custody agreement if at all possible, I'd like to buy a house there and make a life of stability for the kids. That's the practical and responsible side of things.
As far as my heart goes, I'm slowly moving my feelings for my W into caretaker status. I still love her and I always will love her for what she gave me including my three wonderful kids. But, I'm moving her out of the active love interest area of my heart. I'm finding that there is a lot of pent up anger inside toward her and I'm looking at ways to deal with that.
For me personally, I couldn't have done as well as I have if I didn't know that I had other options. I've been faithful to my wife and I will continue to be faithful until I file for divorce. But, that doesn't mean that I haven't been out in the social marketplace gauging my stock price if you will. Some night when your W has the girls, get some friends and go to the bar and flirt shamelessly with the women you meet. This has been a life saver for me. If I didn't know that I had options, I don't think I could have handled these last 6 months.
No matter what, you know you can come here and find support and a friendly ear.
