To respond to some of your points, Strong&Alive - and I do appreciate all of your advice and feedback:
"When my own marriage was in dire straits, I found it actually very instructive to step back and contemplate how I would go about life if my marriage was already over."
Honestly, I haven't put much thought into this. My intention is to remain married to my spouse, for life, because I take my marriage vows as sacrosant and indissoluable. But if I did lose my wife, for whatever reason, I would probably give up on women, entirely. Honestly, I have practically had it with women - with the manipulation, exploitation, humiliation, etc.
If I had to start all over again, I would probably just become a celebate, committed single. I would support my 2 children in whatever way I can. One is age 17 and the other 15, so they are not far off from adulthood. I would probably work my job, which I despise, until they were adults. Then I would probably start from scratch.
(p.s., I positively detest the job I work today. I mean, I really, really hate it. I do it to pick up a paycheck, in order to keep my wife in the extravagant lifestyle that she enjoys. I have given up several career opportunities at my wife's insistence. She wants a steady source of income, so she can spend all the money she wants.)
Some of your other points:
"In addition, start spending some time with male friends."
I already do this, although none of them know about the marital issues I am having.
"Pick one more thing - an interest, pastime or hobby - to pursue."
Already there. In fact, this is the one outlet that I have used to maintain my sanity through this situation. In fact, I have won awards for my volunteer work with my children's school district. (When my wife found out about my award, she commented "I wish you would volunteer more around the house, and do more chores." Obviously, she wasn't impressed. She is only really impressed when I make her more money, or help her do less work.)
"Your children. What kind of father do you want them to see?
My children are teenagers, and like most teenagers, they want absolutely nothing to do with their parents. I can understand and accept that. They want to be out on their own, with their friends, and set up their own identities. They both have turned out to be very good kids, and for that, I am very thankful.
I have tried to do this arrangement, while setting a solid example and role model for them. I tried to show them what I thought a father should be - loving, supporting, selfless, commited and completely faithful. These were the ideals that I tried to exemplify. This is what I didn't get from my father, who was a total degenerate. I tried to be the exact reverse of my father (see my description above.)
I realize now I may have gone too far. My children pretty much regard me as a joke. They show the same lack of respect for me that my wife does. At first, I took this to be normal teenage rebellion. Maybe it is really a symptom of my own lack of stregnth. Perhaps they disrespect me for the same reasons that my wife does. Maybe my personality problems run even deeper, and are having even more consequences than I thought.
