Would you believe things I wanted to say to you kept circling in my mind last night after I signed off?
Putting my "psychologist" hat on again here: Have any of your W's mental health pros, or docs mentioned the possibility of something called "Borderline Personality Disorder"????
This is a more chronic condition, usually evident by the teens. It's marked by unstable relationships, wild mood swings (moment to moment, daily etc), anger problems, intense fears of abandonment and being alone, inability to self-sooth, transient psychotic features (like delusions/fantasies), unstable sense of self, self harm (usually in the form of cutting or burning), suicidal thoughts or attempts (usually as a cry for help), impulse control problems (sex, shopping, gambling etc).
Episodes of depression and anxiety can complicate this picture too.
Just a thought...does any of this sound familiar? I've heard it described that people with BPD feel their emotions so intensely and are so in the moment, that they can't even imagine feeling any other way. When they are "Up" everything is great...when they are "down" they can't imagine the pain ever going away.
I think the title of a popular book on the subject says it all, it's called "I HATE you!...Don't LEAVE me!!!"
I bring this up because your W's behaviours baffle me, frankly, and I think finding out just WHAT is wrong with her physically, mentally, would be a HUGE step in the right direction.
I whole-heartedly agree with you that making life decisions in the frame of mind she's usually in is not wise!
About the Xanax...I'm on that one too. It is a great drug for anxiety and panic attacks. If she's wary, suggest she start with half a pill, that's what I did. At first it made me feel a little spacey, but it SURE took the edge off of the anxiety.
Here's something else to note...IF her symptoms get WORSE with the Xanax...that's another clue that it may be BPD she's dealing with. (for some reason BPD responds much better to another cocktail of meds...including anti-seizure medication!)
About this journal. KAW, I can think of no other reason your W leaves it around but that she wants (even unconsciously) for you to read it. Is it healthy??? Probably not. For either of you!
But quite honestly, if I could have had such a glimpse at my H's private thoughts I'd probably still jump all over it. Proabably a good thing I don't.
I can't imagine the confusion and craziness of each day for you. I'm definitely inspired by you...MANY people would have given up on her by now.
Shiny
P.S. lots of great info about bi-polar and BPD on-line
