I really don't like what's going on here. I don't know whether to believe what w is writing in her journal or assume that it is just a place where just writes down her secret thoughts or fantasies.
since it seems that what she writes is not helping you to feel good and is in fact taking away from what is going well can I again suggest that you don't read it.
I understand your desire to read it, to keep prepared for what may happen but in the end will knowing what may happen get you anywhere closer to your goals or might the knowledge in fact keep you from reaching your goal.
already a protective wall exhists for you toward your w...it would seem to me that the more you read her journal the higher that wall is going to grow...is knowing really going to protect you from anything?
my only suggestion would be to stop reading the journal and simply let the days pass as they will...bd for you...enjoy the times that w does stay on the dance floor and keep busy with good kaw time when she does not.
