Just a few questions if you don't mind. You know me, I always like perspective.
Quote: Last Wednesday, she stopped dancing. Thursday, she had totally left the dance floor. This last weekend, I felt the closest to her than in the last three months.
What were the circumstances for each day that made you feel the way you did?
Quote: but three of weeks ago, my W was writing her a letter to her while I was sitting beside her in bed. I snooped and it was as I expected. That she was the only one who she could talk to and would understand.
I'm a little unclear. In the letter your W wrote, did she actually talk about OM, or did she just say she wanted her D to come back because she's the only one with whom she can talk? Also, just out of curiosity, what is the reason her D wants to move back in 6 months?
Although I understand why you are concerned about this 6-9 month window, I simply want to caution you against jumping to conclusions (if your W didn't mention OM in the letter). We all know what a dead-end that can lead to. How have your W's panic attacks been lately? Isn't there a pattern between her panic attacks getting more severe as she begins to think/journal more about OM? Honestly, it seems to me that if your W was furthering her plans about moving on, the following would NOT be happening: "Slowly, but steadily OR seems to be improving as W gradually seems to be softening."
Thing is, your trust continues to get undermined as you continue to read her journal. I understand why you read her journal (or letters), but it causes you to question everything. What if, from the start of your reconciliation, you were not reading her journal? Do you think you'd be interpreting her actions in the same way?
Instinctively, how do you feel, KAW? Do you feel like she's coming around or do you feel like things from a year ago are resurfacing big-time? What's your gut? For me, I know my W isn't seeing OM because it shows in her actions and behavior towards me (you know, the "softness" you spoke of). She'd be very distracted otherwise. How's your W? Are you NOT saying things to her that would otherwise if you thought things were okay between you two?
I'm sorry, my friend. I know I nailed you with a lot of questions. Take care of yourself.
