I think I may belong here.

[kelaaron]

Well, just got text from H. What is the spystuff and and phone tracker? I had thought he may be using that stuff because he seems to know everything I have either posted here or texted to a friend. Wanted to know if it really existed. Of course, he says I'm the one who is using it. I don't care what he is doing, who he is talking to, etc...Yes when I was very controlling, I cared. I used to look at the cell phone bill like it was a report card for the day. I wanted to know everything, but maybe I'm a little naive, I didn't think that stuff really existed for lay people until I read about it on here. Was very surprised to see that it actually does. Didn't erase the history in the computer, don't feel the need to cuz I have nothing to hide, and I guess he found it. I don't know when, over the weekend (which was actually sort of nice)I guess. Only stewed about it for a few days before asking which is new, usually it's months, but still believes nothing I say. Don't even know why I bother to defend myself to him. I know what I've done and haven't and I haven't been the greatest W, but I also am learning where that came from. Who knows, maybe someday we will laugh about it. Couldn't afford any of that crap even if I wanted to which I don't. Years ago, I found a love letter a woman gave him and that pretty much started me on the road to paranoia. Yes, I have had my hand in the ruin of this M, but I am not solely responsible.

Someone else posted that it is hard to tell if this is MLC or not cuz Spouse whole life has been a crisis. I too feel the same way, but as I have reflected, I really can see when the real changes started. So I thought we were entering Depression, but now I am wondering after this accusatory text and the fact that since he opened door I addressed issue with Son that he has not replied to at all, I am wondering if we are still in replay. Can these stages overlap? Does anyone know?

Any support/input would be greatly appreciated. Was actually feeling very centered until this. I have got to learn how to not react to him. Was starting to look at him with different eyes but I see that he is still the same alien/jerk as usual. Breathe, breathe, breathe, patience.

Lord, release me from these negative feelings and this anxiety that I am holding onto. I now do not want H to come home tonight because I do not even want to deal with him. Help me to understand he is going through something that only You understand and help me to see him as You do. Also Lord, release from me the anger I have at his lack of regard for what he is doing to Son. I know he is a good father and does not intend to do S harm. Lord, give me strength and wisdom to make it through this day. Amen.