Thank again all for the cheers!!

RJD & Jackie, I missed you both with my last posting. Rob, I like your thinking about turning those landmines into pots of gold ... wouldn't that be a great title for an upcoming thread?!

Slowly, but steadily OR seems to be improving as W gradually seems to be softening. I still can't help but feel like she trying to resist it tho to some degree. Last Wednesday, she stopped dancing and Thursday, she had totally left the dance floor, but this last weekend, I felt the closest to her than in the last three months. She made several comments that would indicate she has decided not to leave by the start of the school year as she was contemplating at the end of last month.

But at dinner last night she mentioned she spoke to her D23 last week. I didn't mention here, because I was trying to avoid being beaten by 2x4's, but three of weeks ago, my W was writing her a letter to her while I was sitting beside her in bed. I snooped and it was as I expected. That she was the only one who she could talk to and would understand. (My first thread covers how my W was planning to move out and live with her D from previous M, for she was the only one who supported her descision to leave and was willing to help.) While I don't know if she sent the letter, she did send a "care package the week before last and I've been trying to convince myself, "so what if she did forward the letter?" ... so when my W mentioned her D23 wanted to move back in the area in six months, my heart skipped a beat as my immediate thought was, "So now she plans to leave in six months!" I forced the lump in my throat from dinner back down and continued act "as-if" I didn't even hear that as my W moved onto another subject.

So now I'm fighting this feeling that she is biding time until D23 moves back. I know I shouldn't concern myself with it ... it truely sucks that I feel this way, but I can't seem to shake it and now wonder if I'm going to have to live with this thought for the 6-9 months or so ...

Why does this have to be so hard when all we want is to have it better and to be happy? It just doesn't seem right!

ooii ... yea, I know this is all in my head and I need to get back to dancing, but first I have to find the music. Bridget, jethro, or Rob, please strum a few chords for me ...

Like this post, my PMA seems to be slipping more...

'til later,
KAW