That's funny, Bethie. I was just talking to my mom (getting her account of her visit with my S's, with W there), and I was telling her that I've come to notice that when W says something negative about me, it is really some fault that describes herself even more than it does me. I didn't use the term "projection", not at this time, but that's what I was describing to my mother nonetheless.
My mom did say one thing about my W during the visit. She said that it was obvious that W "has moved on". Moreover, W showed not one lick of shame or remorse, and was able to face my mother even in the full knowledge of her betrayal of her son -- like nothing at all was wrong.
It doesn't surprise me. It still makes me sad, yes, but it doesn't surprise me. That is exactly the same cold-blooded, shameless callousness that her own mother, the MIL, exhibited each time upon jettisoning three different husbands. Self-righteous determination that whatever's good for her is always just and fair for everyone concerned.
I don't want that kind of person around me, and I really don't want them around my sons either. Only because she is their mother will I have to tolerate her presence in our lives.
Well, it's time to blaze new trails and leave that soulless vampire to her own demise. When we touched on the subject, I told my mom that at this point, after a year of the pain and torture W has put me through, I can forgive W but I could never fully reconcile with her, not with this person she is now. Right now I am fighting the bitterness and hatred she has sown in my heart, and I am praying to Christ to help me through this angry harvest.
...
I have to say one other thing. I am feeling especially vulnerable right now. So please take the extreme emotions I am expressing in context with this. I am alone this weekend, and I am missing my sons, worrying about them so far away, in the constant presence of W and the MIL. I am jealous that I couldn't have been the one to take them to MS as I had originally planned. I am sore at my thankless employer for denying me the request to take vacation at this time. I am tired and overworked. I am facing the loss of the home I had worked so hard for my wife and my family, and I'm losing that wife and that family. And now my finances are faltering from a demotion at work, and the mounting costs of this failing economy. I need to find a new cheaper place to live and to move there. On top of that, my physician saw fit to renew all of my prescriptions except one, the AD's. So, I've been off the Prozac for more than a week now, after three years.
If I can survive the next month -- and, despite all this negativity, with God's help I don't see why not -- then I can survive anything.
Darn.. I guess my warm fuzzies weren't much help when it came to your toe! I'm a toe mangler, too. One time I dropped a Kirby vacuum cleaner on my big toe while taking it out of the car, smashed my funky way too long second toe while getting out of the shower, and broke my pooor lil pinkie toe in two places when a full one gallon jug of maple syrup fell from the top of the refrigerator. I feel your pain.
When I'm having a really really reallllly bad day, I decide the remainder of that day or the following day will be a 'spouse free day'. My focus is on not thinking about him, having scant or no interaction with him. I give myself the freedom NOT to have him be part of my day. It really helps.
Imagine life as a simmering stew with a spice cabinet beside it. Ideally you choose what to add to make the most savory stew possible. Conflict, emotional chaos, divorce left unchecked can compel you to toss just about every spice possible into the stew. When you feel that rush of emotion that leads to another feeling of helplessness, that leads to despair, anger, wretchedness.. Stop. Choose what you feel. Pick on thing and feel it, deal with it.
Yes.. there's a million things going on.. but pick one at a time. Be kind to you.
Of course you're feeling down after missing out on your trip! And going off AD's now seems like horrible timing. Why wouldn't the Dr. renew your prescription? If not, maybe you need a new dr.?
I know it's busy at work now for you, but can you get a promise from your boss for a vacation when it's less busy hopefully in the near future? Then you'd have that to look forward to at least and a chance to rest and rejuvenate.
I worry sometimes when I have the feelings of hate and anger towards my H too. I pray and try to work on that. I try to forgive H for what I've realized are his weaknesses and flaws. But yeah, sometimes I do feel a little hatred and anger, and maybe that's just normal when you have a WAS? (((((NC)))))
Karen is right that you need something to look forward too. That's one of the things my C said to me....however far in the future it is....and however big or small....I need to give myself something to look forward to. It does help.
Saffie me 46 H 46 M in 1986 D20,D18,S16,D13 H's A 01/05 to 07/06 H recommitted to M 07/06 renewed vows 09/06 Going from strength to strength
I need to go see me some murals!!!! I know in advance they are beautiful and were created with love, pure love.
I am sorry about your down weekend. I also HOPE you fill your AD's, because its just so hard to come off them abruptly, and you might need them a bit longer.
If I may, I can totally understand your feelings about finances. I am going to be BROKE after divorcing H, struggling monthly. He is walking away with large amounts of cash, and I am walking away with bills. I get very angry about this. And I am not even paying child support, like you are.
I know you will always provide for your sons. And yes, you would help your W (even if she was EX-W) because she is the loving mother of your children.
I agree with Beth (I think she said it), be proactive and let the teachers/doctors/daycare/everyone know that you are to be notified regarding your kids. But honestly, I don't think she did that on purpose (excluded you). I hope not.
Thinking of you, and know you are missing your boys. I am glad they got to see your mom.
I am sorry about your down weekend. I also HOPE you fill your AD's, because its just so hard to come off them abruptly, and you might need them a bit longer.
If I may, I can totally understand your feelings about finances. I am going to be BROKE after divorcing H, struggling monthly. He is walking away with large amounts of cash, and I am walking away with bills. I get very angry about this. And I am not even paying child support, like you are.
That's true, I switched from one to the new one and the dr. had me taper, and I think they usually do that. And why would you want to go off AD's now when life will probably be stressful for you the next few months or whatever? I don't get that.
Yeah, I think a lot of us will have a lot less $ when we D, but oddly I think I will probably be happier and have a chance at having a good R in the future, so probably worth it for many of us. Karen
((((NC))))