Can't help but sort of agree with the others who mention confrontation...
I understand it hasn't worked for you in the past, but just wondering, given the fact that you have a "crush" if you might be able to come at it more from a position of strength this time? Is there any possible way that you could mention that there could be another person in the picture, but that you would really prefer to make things work with him? Do you think he would feel too guilty and just tell you to go ahead and do it?
I guess if you aren't ready for the LRT, i.e. aren't ready to truly throw in the towel, it mightn't be worth it.
In terms of going dark/dim, I understand this hasn't worked with your H historically, but do you think that in lieu of having an out and out R discussion with your H, you could try this anyway? Do you think that if you only responded very briefly to the contact that HE initiated, he might start to panic a little? Have you tried this? Do you think it would increase his guilt?
I just really feel like your H has these obvious feelings for you, and that something has to hit him over the head to make him realize that he could lose you!
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
This list is excellent, lots of good stuff to work on! I remember reading when i first joined here about your h's reaction when you withdrew and I think that seeing as it hasn't worked (twice?) before I wouldn't personally risk it again. You have spent a few months now building up (or repairing the damage) from last time and now you are on an even keel (sp?) with him you want to build on that. JMO.
A few questions. Does he ever talk about interesting things HE has done? Can you ask him over to watch TV with you when you know it is his favourite programme, or a programme you have discussed? I know you watch football but assume that is in a pub? If he came over you could cook for him (omitting the peas of course) and show him that it is ok to be in the same room/ home as you again. Maybe after a few of these you could start initiating some physical contact - even if it is just 'my feet are cold can a warm them on you' (lol maybe that is just me!).
The push up bra made me laugh so much! What did you ask him for help with? What % do you initiate meeting up and what % does he?
I personally think that calling him on bad behaviours or confronting him is not such a good idea. Maybe it is just my h though but they get scared. I more like the ideas of setting clear boundaries. The next time he is naughty we can do this.
I am just lurking but reading your last post made me think maybe it's time for me to have my MLC albeit I,m a bit late. People are just so nice to you, no questions, no expectations, just generally being treated with kid gloves--yes I could definately live with that.
Well, once again naej spoke my mind... The only reason I am not harsh with you My Lady is that somehow you have a good life in general. Social life, friends, work, flirting... But what you described in that list although shows how committed you are and how much you can endure (correct word?) really doesnt feel right, even as a tactic when it lasts for so long. Also, let me try a bold thought in English: all the things that worked, except for breaking the original ice after the separation, how much further do they take you every time you do them? It's like lifting weights. You have to add some more weight once you have one achieved, right? It doesnt do you any good to keep lifting the same weight over and over again. Unless you are trying to preserve/maintain the "status quo" which obviously is not your wish, you have to "add some more weight"... Am I making sense here? K
naej, where were you when I could have "used you"?
