It's been a while, and I have just been able to come up for air! My life has been a whirling dervish for the last month, so now that I have a little time, I thought I would post to those that kept me afloat from half a world away, and who continue to do so.
My postings have decreased. Sometimes when a crisis occurs, I go back to multiple postings, but most days, not.
I'm tired of the "Lifestyle". I stopped seeing a therapist for the same reason. I'm tired of going over the same terrain, with no "ah ha!" moment.
I can totally relate to your feelings about the stuff on the porch. Like me, I think that reaction comes from the years of contempt and disrespect from our STBXs. Because we would get beat up on a continuous basis, and because NOTHING was ever right or enough in their eyes, we continue to think that ALL motives are malicious, even though they are not.
This has really rented space in my head, and I'm not sure how I will ever approach any new relationship, but you never know.
I like you have begun to enjoy the freedom I have. Today, I go to the gym after work, go home, and enjoy solace. No one to disappoint at every turn, no one to critique me using the wrong chicken to make dinner or putting the dishes in the wrong place in "her kitchen". No one to tell me: "I know you tried your best, but your best was shi^^y!" True phrase.
Don’t get me wrong, I still miss the closeness and serenity of a monogamous relationship. Someone I work with got divorced about a year ago. He’s 50, and is sleeping with new woman every night. Sounds good, but it’s not for me. Never was.
You got the same treatment as me. Leave your W. alone with her new friend, and my wife with her 61 year old attorney boss. I feel sorry for both of them for having to resort to their choices: your wife another woman and mine some obese maybe still married boss who is 13 years older than her. Maybe wishful thinking, but I believe they will not be any happier in two years. We have become more introspective in our roles in the failure of our marriages. They have not. They are in for some hard times, I believe. Yech....
Remember the line from "Born in the USA" "End up like a dog that's been beat too much, till you spend half your life just coverin' up"
That was so true for me. Remember the story I told you about accidentally breaking the new vacuum and actually feeling like I was taking hostile fire trying to reassemble the plastic clip, because I was in fear of her reprisal or worst, just the disgusted look with the head shaking.
I guess like you, I miss the long ago dead woman I fell in love with, and all the good things being an intact family can be. I feel sorry for my (and your) kids. They are the losers.
