God give me the patience and the strength...7

[theotherhalf]

NOW, suppose I can LEAVE HIM ALONE!?!?!?

H came out Sunday am (beginning to be the norm for Sundays). I was gone to church. He called me while I was there. I called him back and he said he was here. I went home. We worked out in the machine shed moving things around, putting things away for winter and cleaned. This place looks better than it has in over 3 years! It was a good day. He was in a good, flirtous mood. He was here most of the day.

Later in the evening he asked me to come in to his place. Of course I went (sorry, it's been awhile I would have even if it meant I was just going to SLEEP with him. I miss him.)

Anyway, got there and he had had plenty to drink (had been at BIL's for awhile) he ate, we talked a little and was watching football. He curled up on the couch with a blanket that I think he got from OW. Made a remark how warm and comfy he was and started to go to sleep. I was ticked first the blanket, I said nothing but wanted to rip it from him and burn it, then he asked me in there to watch him sleep? I got up and said "why did you ask me to come in? To watch you sleep?" and I left. He called me, he said sorry asked me to come back. I went.

We went to bed. He initiated s*x, I let him but wasn't pushing anything, I was content to just cuddle up with him and sleep. Well he got his and left me hanging then right to sleep. Fine, didn't say too much. About an hour later he gets up to go to the bathroom. He then went and laid on the couch. BURN!!!

I laid there a little bit then got up. I left and came home.

I have never been treated so coldly in all my life. I felt worse than a whore. I don't know if he was drunk/sleeping and did this unintentional or if he was purposly trying to hurt me. In the whole crazy begginning of this mess he was never THAT cold. I don't know where this came from.

All I know is that hurt me to my core. I don't know if he'll remember what happened? I don't know if I should stand up for myself and my feelings and say something to him. I want to ask why? Don't know if I should? I guess some would say I got what I deserve.