Found this post in another forum but it sure seems to fit here, doncha think?
See below: I stopped posting more than a month ago because I was just so frustrated with the board. It seemed that it became something other than a place to turn to for support and answers. The board I knew valued introspection and goal-setting. Many times the light bulb popped on over my head as I read something posted to me. Many times I did not like the answers, but I always reminded myself that if something struck a nerve I really needed to examine it all the more closely.
Lately I have noticed a disturbing trend of "do not post to me." I find this absolutely ridiculous! It is not as if there are people here who post with the sole intent of hurting someone or making their life miserable. It is as if people are only looking for the advice that they want to hear. Doesn't that defeat the purpose of this place?
And really, if you are here to blog...ugh! Get a myspace account or something. It is usually the bloggers that start deciding who can and cannot post. Agreed, if someone is offensive or purposely hurtful they should be asked to be respectful or leave. These bloggers drone on and on about their lives and then get offended when people point out inconsistencies or troubling items.
I know that the first thing that people will say is, "if you don't like a thread, don't read it or post to it." Sure, that would be fine, but don't we owe something to the newbies? Shouldn't someone be the voice of reason so that the light bulb may go off for someone else reading the thread?
There are people that have been here for years that don't seem to be any better off than the day that they came. That is not to say that if you have been around for years that you automatically fall into this category. I think that a telling clue is if all of your posts remain on your own thread. If you are not out there trying to help others or posting to people that may be experiencing something you have already experienced, perhaps there is a character issue you need to deal with. Are you selfish? Is your self-esteem so low that you don't think you have anything to offer? Either of these two things could be a major reason your relationship is not going so well! And, maybe, just maybe the person who is pointing this out to you is not trying to hurt you but is trying to help you!
If you have been on this board for months or even years moaning and complaining about the same old things, maybe negativity is a major issue for you. I for one think that pointing out to someone how negative they sound is meant to help. I have refrained from writing what I was really thinking- "How can anyone stand to be around you... you are so negative and such a downer!" and tried to wrap it in a nicer package, but I have yet to see a person like that take into consideration that how they sound on here may be mirrored in their "real" life.
I totally understand that many of these people are depressed and need a gentle hand. But, at what point does the gentle hand become the enabling hand? Anyone who has been here for a length of time will tell you that it is nice to be given hope right off the bat. And, there is nothing wrong with that. But the same things that got you into the mess you are in will keep you there if you don't learn from them. And grow. And, God forbid, change.
Yeah, it is overwhelming to think that not only is your relationship in a bad place, but now you have to take some responsibility for it... ugh! However well-intentioned your actions, perhaps they are hurting more than helping. And the kind people of this board are here to read and to ponder and to point things out. Maybe they will misconstrue something. We're all human. But, maybe you need to work on your own communication skills, too.
If you have asked people not to post to you, I implore you to reconsider. The things that get under your skin may be the very things that you have needed someone to tell you. We all need the friend who will tell us about the spinach in our teeth, you know.
It is just so frustrating to see people mired in the same old muck for so long! And this new thing in which people are asked not to post.... is it the worst or what? If you can't handle a few typed sentences, how in the world do you cope with life? And, maybe, just maybe, don't you see that hiding your head in the sand is perhaps something that needs to be fixed about you?
So it seems that it's not just this forum where this is happening..........
