Well last night before we went to the hospital we were actually talking about when/how he would move out, etc...
Then today we spent the whole day together, it was his grandma's 85th birthday there was a party just for family and we were there around 3 hrs with all his family and he acted like things were okay (we didn't act lovey-dovey but weren't distant, either).
We took our son to Karate together then had dinner together. Kids just went to bed. I asked H if he could clarify his thoughts for me since last night was so chaotic and stressful with the hospital trip and everything. I said are we breaking up or are you just saying you are struggling with our situation at this point? He said I don't know, all I know is I want to come home and feel comfortable and be able to relax in my home and right now I just can't no matter how hard I try...
And John as far as OW I came out and addressed her with him yesterday. What did I have to lose? I said if this stress is his guilt over leaving her and wanting her back, I can not be his friend if he goes back to her. I just can't. I can be a fellow parent, but not a friend. He was crying. He was crying the whole time, actually...He said he has not spoken to her, texted, emailed, communicated in any way the past two months. Which is coincidentally (or not) how long he has been feeling this anxiety/tension. He said he knew if that ever happened I couldn't be his friend but that he honestly hadn't spoken/communicated with her...
Also random FYI another former co-worker had a heart attack last week at his desk. That makes three that I know of in the past 4 years including one who dropped dead at his desk....I know that got to my H...
Also I find it interesting that he can't "relax" around me, and yet he held my hand by choice all the way to the hospital, he asked me to come back to the room with him, he lay with his head in my lap on the couch when we got back until it was time to go to bed. So if being around me is stressful, why did he want me around when he thought he was having a heart attack? Wouldn't/shouldn't that have made it worse? I just don't see how he can want me for comfort but also say I stress him out...
