You're getting good advice, Mr. P. Now, I'm going to back off from the good advice you're getting just a little bit.
What these people are trying to tell you is NOT that you are actually a weakling. What they're trying to tell you about is the image you're showing your wife. They're guessing (always keep in mind that everyone here is giving you educated guesses) that this is how she sees you, based on the impression you're giving here. And the point they're really trying to make is that while it's normal and natural and reasonable to feel pathetic and weak when the woman you share your life with doesn't want to make love with you, it doesn't work. It only drives her away. She can't be attracted to a man who believes he's a weakling.
Now, the good news: You are not a weakling. You could be decisive. You could be strong. You could be a leader, if perhaps a quiet one. The reason everyone here is focusing on your self-image and your behavior is not that your wife is necessarily blameless for the state of your marriage--it's only because they want to give you ways that YOU can start to make changes that will help YOU feel better, whether your wife is completely on board or not.
It won't be easy. If your wife has taken over so completely, she probably doesn't trust that you're going to take the lead in your life. She probably figures you'll slack off eventually and she'll be stuck taking care of you again, like you're just another one of the kids. Don't let it happen.
